The way a man asks me out matters. If he doesn't respect:

  • My Safety
  • My Personal Space
  • My Time
  • My Agency

Immediate rejection. If he does not respect these 4 basic boundaries, he isn't worth giving the time of day let alone dating.

The Long version:
These descriptions are more or less targeted at entitled men who engage in these dickish behaviors.
All of these are referring to situations in which strangers are interacting with each other:

#1. Safety

Context matters. If a woman is alone, if there is no one around to help her if the strange man propositioning or chatting with her turns violent then he should leave the stranger he is interested in alone. Men who do not take women's safety seriously and insist on bothering strangers without any consideration for how women feel about a random strange man approaching them are assholes. HVM recognize that being approached by a strange man when a woman is all alone is scary AF and will not approach. (This principle also applies to temporary isolation, like elevators, empty rooms, public transportation etc...)

#2 Personal Space

Women minding their own business going about their day trying to get from point A to point B are not a public petting zoo. If a woman is sitting alone on public transportation for the love of god do not break the cardinal rule of strangers and sit right next to her leaning into her without so much as a by your leave. Sit in a different row like a normal decent human being. If she steps back do not step forward. If she tries to walk away from you, do not follow her. Men who do not respect women's personal space, men who tower over, who follow and stalk, who sit at your table without asking first do not respect you.

#3 Time

If a woman is on the job the last thing she needs is a random strange man bothering her. If a woman looks busy or like she is in a rush she definitely isn't longing for some random entitled stranger trying to rope her in a long conversation. This is basic social shit, but the amount of men that completely ignore women's boundaries, just because is astounding.

#4 Agency

If she is at work, especially a customer service job do not hit on her, do not flirt with her, do not demand that she listen to you ramble on indefinitely. If she is in any situation where she is forced to be polite to you or possibly lose her job you are an asshole for using that to force her to be more accommodating to you than if she would have been otherwise.

Also if you are a hiring manager or any person who can affect her opportunities in life, take the power balance into account. If she feels obligated to say yes or lose an opportunity or face potentially severe consequences you are not respecting her agency.

If she is giving universal signals that she wants to be left alone, do not talk to her. For the socially inept: Headphones = Do not talk to me, Completely focused on a book = Do not talk to me, Focused working on a computer = Do not talk to me. Headphones + Book = Do not fucking talk to me or I will cut you.

If you cannot handle rejection without throwing a violent threatening temper tantrum, without insulting her, without lunging at her like you are going to attack her then you are not mature enough to date. Grow the fuck up before you start asking women out.

If you start talking to her and she shows any sign of disinterest, of trying to politely leave the conversation, if she gives you soft nos, make a polite excuse and leave her alone. Women do not owe men a conversation, they do not owe men a chance, and they are certainly not obligated to continue listening to you awkwardly ramble on if they are not interested. If you are too socially stunted to recognize basic social cues of someone more or less telling you to fuck off the polite way, you have some growing up and learning to do before you are mature enough to date women. No woman should ever be forced to explicitly tell you to fuck off. If she does end up having to explicitly tell you to take a hike you have already crossed so many lines that you are definitely a grade A asshole.

HVM Behavior

High value men will take all of these things into account before asking a woman out, because they see women as people who deserve the same respect and consideration as any random stranger regardless of sex. They understand the concept of "Do unto others as they would have done unto them" and act accordingly in the way the treat women they meet as they go about their day.