Marriages to lowest levels in 118 years ! 6.5 people out of 1000 get married only !

[–]tempolaca 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Saint_Ballz7 points 5 years ago* [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Dls95405 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Maschalismos 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Asopaso07 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Mario6416 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link

[–]barracaroja 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (25 children) | Copy Link

[–]Dls95405 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link

[–]barracaroja 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alzael 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]barracaroja 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

Oh, but you would! Absolutely can tell before marriage. If someone is consistently humble and kind and in comitted in other areas of their life, those are some good indicators. Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior, right?

Also, and this is a mandatory, are you also humble, kind, and committed

The worldview one operates in is essential. If they (both partners) see that it won't ultimately fulfill them and it's not about 'the other one making you happy' and that not everything will be magically easy the day after the wedding and forever... But that they can and should be comitted and sacrificial for the good of the other, through thick and thin, then they've got a better chance. I believe marriage is about love and love is about decision. Both man and wife gotta decide to put the other one before them every day. It's not easy all the time, but it's rewarding and worthwhile

Question is if people are willing to take on that and live up to it

[–]MBV-09-C 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

I also have to disagree on that 'being able to tell' thing, I haven't been married but I had a relationship that was serious for almost exactly 6 years. To my face, she was kind, caring, thoughtful, she seemed good with kids, her friends didn't have anything bad to say, I didn't care about looks, I'd always try to be considerate and make sure she was comfortable, going so far as to allow her to move into my apartment to get away from the stress from her family. There was conceivably nothing wrong with her and nothing I could've done better... except for going behind her back and checking what she was saying about me behind my back to other people.

She'd said needed to use my laptop for some art thing one day after her computer died, and I let her use it, didn't think anything of it at the time, but the next I used my computer, she'd forgot to log out of a messaging app, and I got to see messages to her friend and someone she tagged 'nerd daddy' messages to the former stretched back for months lying about various claims of me abusing her, and the latter about the same amount of time with NSFW messages and some pictures about what they wanted to do to each other.

I did confront this calmly, after trying work out what I should do for a few days, where she just gradually got colder and hostile 'out of the blue', but my attempt to calmly break it off was met with about a half hour of her dramatically stomping around the house trying to weaponize fears and insecurities I'd told her in confidence over the years, threats of blackmailing me to friends and family with false accusations of abuse or assault, a couple of hard slaps to face over several points, trashing her room and a very thinly veiled death threat over text.

I should've probably pulled out my phone and recorded it, but my phone at the time ended up having a hardware issue that made it completely impossible to turn on and corrupted the data a few months after that anyway. Then calling the police while the dispute was going on would've just led to me getting arrested instead since they usually detain the man on arrival.

But I digress, I had 6 years of a pretty good looking relationship, decimated in just 3-4 days. A year later and I still don't know where the tipping point was, she might have just always been like that, then found someone she thought was more profitable than me, and got caught before she was ready to make her move out. If someone can hide behind a mask for half a decade or more, how are you realistically expecting we find them?

[–]Asopaso07 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]MBV-09-C 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I didn't, actually. I never once asked for her to pay any of the bills, and I never once pushed anything sexual on her, I am still a virgin and my libido is so low I've honestly just been fine with calling myself asexual. I did try divide the chores among the place fairly, but it eventually ended up with me taking care of the dishes, the trash, the grocery shopping, and my own laundry, just leaving her with her laundry and accompanying me to the store to pick out some things she wanted, which she would usually ask for help cooking. I don't expect you would just believe a random stranger on the internet, but my family tried to raise me very traditionally, and having been my first real relationship as a high school junior when we'd first met I was very cautious. As much as I hate to say it, looking back you probably accurately call me a simp at that age.

I should've probably said "in my head" earlier, obviously what happened doesn't spontaneously happen in 3 days, I'm saying that during those 6 years nothing immediately suspicious from my point of view and I was trying my best to make things work. It only took 3 days to fall apart in my head after what was happening outside my view slipped into it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming I'm perfect, far from it, I actually hate myself, but as much as I hate myself for things that are probably stupid or beyond my control, I'm not abusive. I'm glad you didn't try and pity me though, I do need to think harder, maybe there actually were red flags I wasn't aware of, and that would be my fault if I let myself be blind to them.

[–]Asopaso07 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alzael 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

those are some good indicators

No. Why would they be? Humiity and kindness in a person have no logical connection to marriage satisfaction, and commitment only means that she is capable of long term pairing. Not that she will. Peoples wants and desires change over time.

Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior, right?

You have no past behaviour to draw upon in regards to whether she can be with the same man for life. Unless you believe in reincarnation. And, in fact, her past behaviour would work against any point you are trying to make. Because in order for there to have been any past relationship behaviour, she must have HAD past relationships she left or broke up from. Every previous relationship she had, failed.

Also, and this is a mandatory, are you also humble, kind, and committed

Not mandatory, but also not very relevant since women still leave. In fact since women tend to be more attracted to bad boys and alpha males it's more likely she would go out and cheat on you with a guy like this because she finds you boring.

The worldview one operates in is essential.

No, reality is essential. Reality doesn't give a damn about your worldview.

If they (both partners) see that it won't ultimately fulfill them and it's not about 'the other one making you happy' and that not everything will be magically easy the day after the wedding and forever... But that they can and should be comitted and sacrificial for the good of the other, through thick and thin, then they've got a better chance.

This is how most marriages start. But not how they end up. All couples go into with the thought that they'll be there for each other always and that they'll make it. Then reality hits.

Again, nothing you're saying is actually making a point or a counterpoint. Your position effectively boils down to "if both people are perfect and everything goes perfectly throughout their lives the marriage will be perfect."

But that is not reality.

I believe marriage is about love

then you're just an idiot.

Both man and wife gotta decide to put the other one before them every day.

Yes, again if everything were perfect. But you have no means of knowing who this 'perfect' woman that will give you this 'perfect' relationship is. Even if you find a woman who you know is perfect now, you don't know if she will still be perfect in a year. Or five years. The only way you will ever know that the partner you've chosen will be the one to stay with you for life, is after one of you is dead and you have invested all of your life into the relationship.

This is what you are shying away from addressing. That every statistic we know of says this is almost certainly not going to happen.

[–]barracaroja 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Hello again

"Humility and kindness have no logical connection to marriage" Maybe we understand marriage differently, idk. I believe marriage to be the unity of a man and a woman where both care for each other before themselves and their love can even produce children. I cannot possibly see that being successful with someone who is boastful or mean. Either man or woman. I do believe there's a connection to marriage and humility and kindness

"and commitment only means that she is capable of long term pairing. Not that she will. Peoples wants and desires change over time." Certainly, that's what it indicates, that's why I think it's good. I can't think of a person who hasn't ever committed to anything the magically committing to marriage all the way through

"in order for there to have been any past relationship behaviour, she must have HAD past relationships she left or broke up from. Every previous relationship she had, failed." That's not what I meant. We can tell by looking at their life even if they haven't had any relationships. Are they committed at work, do they have discipline, do they follow through with promises, do they have any hobbies or projects they've worked completely on, do they stick to their plans of learning something, do their friends and family trust in them... I'm not saying we can predict the future, I'm saying that if we don't see someone being committed even in the small things, we can't expect them to do an exception for the big things, like marriage (as you said, though, people do change)

"Your position effectively boils down to "if both people are perfect and everything goes perfectly throughout their lives the marriage will be perfect." "Even if you find a woman who you know is perfect now, you don't know if she will still be perfect in a year. Or five years." No, I don't think there's a perfect person nor a perfect relationship. Just worthy ones. I also don't think you "find the right one," I believe you make it the right one with your decisions (alongside the partner that agrees with that sentiment and also does it)

"Then reality hits." No doubt that's the difficult part, but that's the part the whole "strong love bond, promise of faithfulness, and shared values and goals" are for. To get through the rough patches and support each other. They've promised to support the other through thick and thin, that's the real test

"I believe marriage is about love then you're just an idiot."

Aight, end of discussion, then. Turns out we were talking about completely different things

God bless you

[–]Asopaso07 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]barracaroja 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Hi! So "humble, kind, generous bla bla" I'll stand by that. Even if it sounds trite, those are virtues worth fomenting in oneself and looking for in a partner. Can't think of a successful relationship without that

I'm of the belief husbands ought to be the head of the family and wives their helpers. Husband's there to protect and wife's there to care. And both are there to support and love each other, of course. That may look different in different families, though. Maybe the wife's better at budgeting and the husband's better at cooking. I'd say primarily the mom takes care of the kids, especially in the crucial younger age, and even more if the dad's providing for the family. That's a good, sound structure I believe. That may not be possible always and I think that's ok, too. I think money should be shared between both as if they were one as well.

I'm no expert in marriage nor have I been married, I'm just sharing an outsider's opinion.

As long as respect, fulfilling of different roles, love and honesty are present, I think by God's grace a marriage can thrive. People worth marrying would be people who would respect marriage's meaning and worth. In short, a woman willing to put the other before herself (where the husband also does the same).

[–]Dls95405 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]Asopaso07 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Dls95405 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Asopaso07 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]barracaroja -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Dls95405 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]barracaroja 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Dls95405 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]barracaroja -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Dls95405 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]IronJohnMRA 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Wisemanner 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]iamjesus1991 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Marriages to lowest levels in 118 years ! 6.5 people out of 1000 get married only !
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	34
Comments	32
Date	November 4, 2020 11:44 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/jo7sf8/marriages_to_lowest_levels_in_118_years_65_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/marriages-to-lowest-levels-in-118-years-65-people.1193913 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193913

Comments