Hi guys.

I am ashamed to tell you but telling this might be part of my healing process. Maybe it encourages someone or someone help me get through this.

I am 36 and in a love/hate relationship for 3 years with no kids involved. I have dicovered codependency traits in me. I am trying to get out of the relationship and get a divorce but it seems impossible for me. First time i told my wife she was so angry and started to shame me for this. Then started the abuse and threatened me. Ahe was nice for a few months. I became depressed for a few months. She was nice during this time. After a while fights began again then I have tried to talk to her for divorce again. This time since she started to act as victim and i have caused all issues. I finally left here after a year without notice. Even after i was separated i didn't have the courage to file for divorce. I was worried about financial matters and shame and regret what should i do with my life at this point. Also deep down i felt i like her and she is inecent and maybe it's me that causing all of this mess. I was happy during seperation but still couldn't sign divorce papers. We got back together after 6 month of seperation. Still we have fights every week. It's getting better . We are more mature but no peace yet and trust is naive. My gut is confused and doesn't tell me what to do.and i don't have courage for divorce or continuing it.

I really don't have any idea how divorce affect you. I mostly think i will regret.