I ended up waking her up before I left. I was crying so bad I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. She fell apart. We cried. She was upset. God so much toxic arguing and crying. She wanted me to stay desperately but the abuse wouldn't stop. We agreed that I'd leave the day after Christmas, and it would just be space.

Well, I ended up leaving Christmas Eve.

I really hope that no one I know sees this because honestly I'm sick of complaining about it especially knowing all the mistakes (I made some big ones) that I made which led up to this.

Anyway. I blocked her number, and all social media. It's so fucking hard you guys. It's so damn hard to have a partner in life and to be so used to doing things with them all the time and now you're "independent" and doing all these things on your own. And I feel so humiliated staying at my family's house. I know it's not that crazy for someone in their mid 20s to need to rely on family but still I feel humiliated not being able to take care of myself. It sucks.