Early in October, Slate's sex advice column fielded a question from a women who admitted that she could only enjoy sex with well-endowed men. She wanted to know if it was rude to ask men if they are "huge."

The response was that she ought to directly ask men if they have what she wants, and filter out those who do not in order to save time. And she ought to be proud of herself, as she will come across as a woman who knows what she wants.

Read it here: https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/10/i-only-like-large-penises-can-i-ask-just-guys-if-they-have-one.html

A month later, to the day, the same column fielded a question from a man who was/is/will date trans-women, and was turned off by one trans-woman's penis. He wanted to know if there was an appropriate way to ask a trans-woman if she is pre- or post-op.

The response was first that a pre-op trans-woman's penis shouldn't be a big deal since:

If you’re into a girl, be into her, and if you’re both into each other, I’m sure you’ll find some way to come.

The writer says that he doesn’t want to play with a penis. But he doesn’t have to, even if one is present.

Sex can be so very many activities. Nobody’s penis has to be involved for everyone to have a great time.

Even if the presence of another penis is a hard boundary for the writer, I think the general consensus is that asking a trans person about their parts is rude. The best he can do is wait for them to tell him.

Asking people about their genitals is rude, period.

[The writer is] looking for a safe way to bring up the thing he should probably not bring up.

Read the whole thing here: https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/11/ask-trans-women-about-their-genitals-while-dating.html

So, to summarize, it is rude for a man to ask trans-women whether or not they have a penis... but a woman should be proud of knowing what she wants and should go ahead and directly ask men if they have large penises.

In fairness, I'm not in favor of directly asking trans-women about their genitalia. It seems rude and probably plays directly into their deepest and most painful insecurities. For the same reason, I'm not in favor of directly asking men about the size of their genitalia and I frankly think it's boorish to end an encounter or a relationship with someone who isn't "huge," just as I think it would be boorish to end an encounter or relationship with a woman whose breasts aren't big enough.

Still... you rarely see such blatant double standards as this.