I’m a high school male with a self esteem issue looking for perspective.

I have an extremely high libido that has recently brought upon an issue that I foresee bringing me consequences later in life. Around a year ago I lost my virginity, and a year later I have 10 “bodies” (I know this term is not appreciated, but I’m not sure what to say). My total number of sexual partners is in the 30s. I’m not proud of these figures, especially because I view a low body count (assuming it is voluntary) as a sign of self control and maturity in both men and women, especially when looking for female partners. I respect those who do not see body count as a sign of a good partner, but I (very hypocritically) do.

It does not help that I get praise from peers for my “game.” I feel outright gross and ashamed of myself and I express this to my friends but it is usually brushed off as me overreacting. With each new partner, I can feel my ability to grow attached to a single woman deteriorating and my perspective of women growing more and more superficial.

I want to stop not only for these reasons, but also because I know that with each new partner my market value drops, especially within the economy of women that I desire to be with for the rest of my life. I want to marry for life and have a happy family with children, and I don’t want this to be what ruins that.

My issue is that I don’t know how. My sexual partners are not random women I meet on the internet or hookers or highly promiscuous women, they are just normal, attractive women that I know from my social net, school, or meet on vacation. They’re also typically not drunk hookups, because I have no desire for intimacy when I’m drunk. I don’t chase, it’s not a matter of needing to stop sending late night texts or anything like that. I just don’t know how to say no. Additionally, none of my partners have been one night stands. Generally, the girl and I will hookup several times before I become disgusted with myself for my superficial-feeling actions and distance myself from her. This has made me enemies, and I’m not proud of it.

In six months I will enter college. I will be at a prestigious school in a massive Greek system surrounded by women at parties with extreme frequency. If I have racked up 10 bodies in the past year, I fear for what that figure will be by the end of college.

I need perspective from women that may motivate me to stop, provide insight, or give advice. I want to grow, and heal my relationship with women, my outlook on intimacy, and my ability to be a loving, compassionate, and loyal boyfriend, husband, and eventually father in the future.

Preciate it