Working on oneitis. I know it's bullshit but she and I fit well.

I was going through a rough time. I've gotten stuck in my Master's degree, I've stopped sleeping normally (prescription sleep meds wouldnt work), lots of anxiety. Still managed to slay with this one hot chick, didn't quit but kept going to work. One night after working another late night in a series of late nights, I started breaking. I reached out for support from my best friend and my second bett friend, my girl. I supported her a shit ton and she supported me. I expressed doubts about what I wanted to do in terms of a career. She plainly asked me what I wanted to do instead. In a stressed out state, I replied "no idea. I just want to travel and surf". Silly answer i know. Not that realistic. Shit I was super stressed about work so in that moment I didn't even want to think about work

Yet, she seemed different from then on. I'm not saying that was the one thing that mattered but maybe it was the last straw. I was stupidly anxious for so long it came out of me and then when the moment counted about her trying to decide her future with or without me , I say shit idk what I want to do. Just travel and surf.

Chicks need security. They need a guy who knows what he is doing. Im in the process of working on that but she didn't want to be in the process. She wanted a sure thing. So she left. And a couple months later is with a dude who works out in her gym and is working in an area where she eventually wants to end up around. Damn I waneed to be that guy with her. I wanted the steady life with her. I just wasn't ready and she wasnt either until fuck you now I am.