Under this trauma (which stems from mentally crippling lonely teen years) just so many triggers everywhere, reminding nasty events from past, or making me paranoically to search for bad symbols and bad signs verywhere, in every shit literally, and to have intrusive OCD thoughts and feelings. It creates anxiety of starting new things, what combined with social anxiety makes searching for cute 18-22yo kemonowaifu as chronologically twice older man (I identify as transage, and for my REAL age those 18-22-olds are even too old, so need to find more chuuni one from them for to be really agematched spiritually as kemono friends) even harder. And last thing I need is therapist telling me to "respect wxmxn" (my respect in precious, and needs to be earned, not granted) or other normie shit, which just pisses me off and already had enough of it. With yesterday in Tinder got new match, from Poland https://i.imgur.com/dNZt8fu.png, it gave some boost to feeling better, and resulted in at night having nice dreams (something sci-fi, about colonizing other planets), and plan of today to do new photoshoot of drinking alcohol in balcony and hoping some of it results being new Tinder photos, but again some things happened, not even really bad, just normal household chore things, but triggering in my trigger system, and don't feel like going to drink at balcony and make selfies anymore. Need therapy. REAL therapy, and to respect my Tinder matches only, and all females who swipe me to left - they have no place in space colonization