How to deal with when they have a fight/flight response to something that's not an argument?

worldlysentiments · 2023-07-22T22:43:46+00:00

Definitely a “men don’t want to be seen as wrong or weak” thing. I think if I was like meeting family for dinner and someone said “where’s “husband”? And I said “oh he’s sick”… then I went back later and said “I told my aunts you were sick and couldn’t come” he would definitely worry about if they were judging him for not sucking it up even if they weren’t and my aunts and I were simply having a convo. But if I said, he’s working overtime, he would feel on top of the world thinking my aunts assumed he was out bustin ass lol. I usually just try not to relay info if I know it’ll tick him off. We all have things that make us feel less or exposed especially if you grew up with a family who’s mindset was to push through everything 100% at all times or were told that nothing is a “valid excuse”. Perhaps something is triggering him from past.

StrangestUnicorn · 2023-07-22T22:23:59+00:00

Am I correct to assume the illness that prevented you from seeing each other was on his end?

If so, I think what he was upset about wasn't your "relaying" of information about your talk with your mother, but the talk you had with your mother itself. Many people consider their health to be a private matter, and for them it is a boundary violation if someone were to disclose their health issues to a third party without consent, even if it is a close family member. Perhaps this is what he is defensive about?

Jenneapolis · 2023-07-22T22:37:50+00:00

No one likes to look bad in front of their partners’ parents. Perhaps he felt you were complaining to your mom about him not seeing you, painting him in a bad light, or trying to make a manipulative underhanded comment about why he wasn’t seeing you. Regardless, I think it felt to him like a criticism.

First, really self examine if you were trying to make a point to guilt him for not seeing you by making this comment to him. I mean really search deep. Because making passive aggressive comments about the relationship really sets men off and sometimes we as women are not honest with ourselves when we say something like “I was just telling him what my mom said without any ulterior motive.”

If you absolutely were not doing that and just making conversation instead, take a mental note that anything he might interpret as criticism is going to set him off and try to mitigate your comments in the future as much as you can. Men don’t like to fail and if they feel like they are being criticized for the relationship, they equal that to failure and nagging which we know is a killer.

AutoModerator · 2023-07-22T21:50:46+00:00

Title: How to deal with when they have a fight/flight response to something that's not an argument?

Full text: Hello

So this is something that has been bothering me for a few days and I'm not sure quite how to deal with it.

Last weekend, we were due to see each other. We don't live together and haven't seen each other a couple weeks now due to illness etc. My mother who I live with had asked why we weren't seeing each other again that weekend to which I replied about illness etc.

Later on while texting SO I happen to relay this conversation to him, just saying my mother was asking why I wasn't over. He immediately gets defensive and goes into fight response, fires some comment back at me. I gently tell him I'm not looking to argue with him, I was just relaying really.

I'm not sure how to handle and feel a bit vulnerable really . How can I navigate this conversation that I feel this way when he gets defensive? He has nothing to be defensive about, I'm not controlling, demanding etc. We don't tend to argue or anything so when this defensive stuff happens, I'm quite taken aback. I feel like oh he's not on my side if that makes sense.

How would you handle this ?

Thanks

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Title	How to deal with when they have a fight/flight response to something that's not an argument?
Author	GlamGemini
Upvotes	4
Comments	6
Date	July 22, 2023 9:50 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/156we5x/how_to_deal_with_when_they_have_a_fightflight/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-deal-with-when-they-have-a-fightflight.1226177 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226177

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