I’m 29. My wife, is 27. We’ve been together for nearly 8 years. This weekend is 8 on the dot. We have 3 kids. 8, 5, 2. 2 boys and the youngest is my precious little girl.
We’ve gone through our share of rough patches. We met at 16/18 and flirted on and off. Then she got married and became pregnant at 18. She has bipolar and we attribute the impulse to that. Because he was in no way a provider or even anything to look at. Her and I started dating shortly after her son was born. A year into that she had a depressive episode and worried she was going to mess the kid up by staying with me so she left and almost rekindled with BD before coming back. I was young and too infatuated with her to recognize that red flag. So we get back together, I move her into a nice townhome with me(she’d never lived in a house before. Only apartments) and we began real life. A few months later she was pregnant. We now had 2 kids. I had already proposed and so shortly after son 2 was born we got married, later that year I adopted our oldest(he had never known BD, so he has no idea). We went through usual marriage stuff. Young with kids and struggling to find a healthy balance in our lives. Then I had a surgery that took me out of work, I should add I have been provider since 2017 because her income was not enough to cover daycare so it made more sense to give our kids mom instead of a stranger. When I had the surgery we got really bad financially, she went to work at a casino, I hated it and fell into a depression. It almost broke us up. But I went back to work sooner and we righted the ship. About a year later she caught me on Instagram and onlyfans and knots left. We worked through it and I’ve corrected my behaviors in that aspect. Then she got pregnant again. Way harder this time because we were working through our own issues. But then 2021 came and we had a beautiful baby girl. Cue 2022. My wife starts wanting to dress different, act different, hang out with new crowds. All in all seems checked out. We talk, she refuses my accusation she wants a divorce; we finally work through it and we’re doing great this year. Minus me being generally upset about things I settled for in the past. But we still have our fights and when we do she goes nuclear, the D word is ever present. Last night she did it again.
She’s a SAHM but rarely cooks, she doesn’t quite know how. She’s always been a microwaveable or snack food girl. I work in the heat and in a pay period work anywhere from 80-120 hours. I got on her about making my lunches and about cooking dinner because it costs my time with my family to do it myself. Yesterday I said “I need you to step up. I’m burning out. I’m tired. I need help and want a better relationship with the kids” when I came home she was cooking. I thanked her, held her, and went to play with my kids. When she sat down I teased her a bit as I always do, she said she wasn’t in the mood and so I stopped and we just snuggled up on the couch. As the night went on she was clearly agitated and I pointed out while she woke up at 9 I woke up at 5. And that her one day of working hard(she does keep our house exceptionally clean) plus cooking made her so exhausted but she expects me to after work. It blew up. She told me sleep on the couch we fought more and I said I’m sick of feeling unappreciated bud wanted out. She said fine and that she came to terms with it and what not.
Of course. I didn’t mean it. I was angry and hurt so I wanted to lash out. Now we haven’t spoken and I’m so worried. I don’t want to miss my kids. I don’t want to miss my baby girl running up to the door when I’m home. I don’t want to miss the family outings or watching shows together.
Plus. We recently moved. So we’re 2 hours from my family and 4+ from hers. The thought of coming home to an empty house 50% of the time. It kills me. But I’m also afraid to be walked on and continue to accept less. Plus the financial aspect of it. I have no idea where my future is now and I’m TERRIFIED