Hello everyone, I'm here because I'm not sure. I've been making friends through the years and as time flows everyone seems to be unhappy with me. Today I got into a fight with two of my closest friends, and sat down and thought. I was never really their friend. At least recently.... I feel like I am trapped in a body I can't fully understand, I am taking advantage of people. Like one of my friends and I smoke mj, I realized that I hang out with them only to get high and shit. Guys came to the airport to pick me up and have also helped me deal with a lot of shit. Back in the day I used to help them too every time they were in a difficult and dark situation, but nowadays I've become so apathetic. I have a lot of problems, my mother is on cancer and its bad, our family business got fucked up, I let my university classes list extend and I'm over the deadline. Everything's dragging me down plus gaming girls but always end up screwing it up. It feels like I hit a dead end everywhere I go and I can't accept help, yet I'm here asking for help and guidance.

I'm feeling disappointed with my self because I know other people are facing worse problems than mine at the moment and still go through and make a good karma. I feel like I can't change.