I want to preface this post by saying that I am currently shitfaced, and that I will probably delete this post tomorrow once I am sober out of shame. But at the present time I do not know what to do. I am a college student in my senior college semester of my BS in Finance. My Ex of 4 years (the girl who I thought I was going to marry and have kids with, and the reason I went to college I'm enrolled in) constantly cheated on me, refused to block LITERALLY anyone else... and yet had 0 issue blocking me once she met a new guy. I had been doing all of her work, and she abandoned me for another dipshit when I needed her support the most.

That was in May this year. After that, I went (am) down a very dark path of using alcohol to cope. I'm fucking miserable. During my best weeks, I am consuming roughly a Handle of liquor a week. During bad weeks, its multiple handles. And yet, I don't know what I am missing. I'm tired of hating myself every single fucking day, and needing alcohol to fall asleep at night. I am trying so fucking hard to be better. I feel like I am doing everything right: I've been going to therapy, I've made efforts to dress myself fashionably, I've kept my apartment clean and organized, I've taken care of myself hygienically, been consistently taking my anti-depressants, hanging out with guy friends, doing my homework (I have Straight As), and working out almost everyday to improve myself.

And despite all of that... deep down I'm still fucking miserable and fucking hate myself. I am at a loss, I don't know what else I can do at this point... I want to be better so fucking bad.