I'm 32 single. Bro is 5 years younger. Being the first child, I was put through the academic grind and in school was rewarded with gifts only if I did good at studies. Went on get a CS degree and job. I have had my issues with depression and lack of women, but I have good health and over all am well read and connected.

My brother was spoilt a lot.Dad bought him stuff and Mom treated him like the daughter she never had. He didnt do well at studies and didnt eat well since in school.

I have never really been able to connect with him. I feel a lot of angst and dissappointment (at myself) that I have not been able to influence him in any way to improve his life. He is under weight and parents throw money to solve any problem he has not trying to change his way of living.

Parents are narcissistic. Even though both of us are over 25, this hasnt registered with them. They don't consider us adults in the sense that they dont think its wrong to lie to us.

Recently, my brother was losing weight and peeing more than usual. After a visit to a general doctor, Dad drove him to a specialist in another city pretending they were going for some other business. I was told about this entire thing after they got back. The doctor has ordered a bunch of diabetes and hormonal tests. He does not exercise ever; not even a walk. Doesnt eat most vegetables. And afaik probably has one meal a day and then feasts on junk. He sleeps at 4am and the quality of his sleep is very bad. He gets disturbed with the slightest sound (opening a door, etc).

I am not really able to get through my parents. They get defensive and any talk derails three sentences in. I get angry, hurt and frustrated.

They are both 57 yrs old and have worked hard to give is the current standard of living. We grew up in middle class house and moved into upper middle class. My Dad smokes.

I have tried cutting myself off completely. For 3 years, I lived alone in another city practically out of touch.

I dont want my parents to die without me getting to atleast know them a bit. Dad was always in the office while I was growing up and I dont know what his nature is like, how he thinks (socially), etc. My grandfather died when my dad was 19 and he hasnt has a father figure in his personal life.

I am at my wits end here and so posting. Any help will mean a lot.