Context: 48M/47F, 2 kids, married 20 years. I let stress, health, and resentment spiral me into depressed drunk captain mode. Strong beta game keeps it going - high 6-fig income, finances, child-rearing, fancy gifts, vacations, household shit firing on all cylinders. Was balanced before, but let all the dominance, assertiveness, and physicality go. Wife took command, lost respect for me, and life turned into one big shit test and DB.

Until last night, no sex in over a year. Haven't had hot sex in forever.

Started therapy and lifting 12 months ago. Added 30 pounds BW, BF 12%. Went from just the bar to 600lb club. Outgrew and replaced wardrobe. Invisalign, laser/botox, etc. Discovered RP about a month ago and it clicked hard - tackled or tackling NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TRM, Superior Man, and a ton of MRP content. Gave up porn. Meditating on MAP and rebuilding frame. Stay plan is the go plan.

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Not a Problem: This is sort of working. Over the past week, shit testing came back hard and I think I did a decent job with STFU, fogging, AA, AM. Last night as I was showering, out of nowhere my wife strips, jumps in, starts rubbing her tits on me, grabs my dick, and it's on for the first time in YEARS. Not shitty duty sex either, she was hungry, and coming from a DB it was hot. Felt alpha for the first time in a decade. We took it to the bed, I cavemanned her, and she loved it. I haven't seen her that wet since before kids. This is a woman who was physically recoiling from me just a couple months ago.

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Problem: In bed this morning she said last night was great, but doesn't think she can do it every day. I brushed up against her ass, and she was instantly DTF. I was indecisive as I typically just get up to work, but WTF I haven't had sex in a year. She loves my tongue rammed down her throat while being fucked and started kissing. I wasn't 100% feeling it like the night before, but did it anyway. I think it was a mistake, I wanted to please her, and could instantly tell I was falling into her frame.

Started overthinking, got performance anxiety, and then it felt more like duty sex. I could feel her getting disgusted. Did not finish, got her off, held her for a bit, and went on with my day. She was disappointed but not too upset. I think moving on quickly was the right move. Stick save.

I inadvertently shut down her inner slut this morning. I'm disappointed in my attitude and strength of frame, and want to lock into the place I was at last night. The alpha in the shower pushing my wife's head onto my cock, not the scared chickenshit simping in bed with indecision. This has been a recurring issue over the years and I do not want to fuck this up. Don't have a long sexual resume, so any advice welcome.

TLDR: Coming out of a long term DB. Uber-beta overthinking it and losing frame while fucking. Everything went right last night, so I know I have it in me. Narrowly avoided disaster this morning. Help the alpha in me overcome my default beta so I can fuck my wife.

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