I'm almost on the other side, waiting for the Judgment to be finalized.

These are the things I needed to hear but, of course, will never come. So I'm telling myself and sharing with the hope others find it useful.

Sorry for your loss. You lost a loving wife and mother of your children. You lost your role as devoted husband. You lost your role as proud provider. You lost your "forever” companion. Yes, go ahead and grieve, your ex is alive, but the loss is deeper than if was taken away by tragic accident.

Sorry for your financial loss. All that sweat, blood, and effort put into building a stable financial future is now mostly gone to due spousal support (she didn’t work). You have to start saving again as if you are 25 but you are almost 55. It hurts and it’s unfair to be worrying about retirement when you were on the verge of comfortable. Yes, you have a good job an WILL make up for it, but go ahead and grieve it’s a hard hitting loss, feel-it and get motivated by it.

Sorry for being cheated. You took your wedding vows seriously. You thought that your dedication and going the extra mile would be rewarded. You fool! The 8-to-6 desk job, the countless weekends doing DIYs to save money, dry-walling the basement, mowing the grass, redoing the flower beds, changing the oil, fixing the faucets, repainting the house, deep cleaning the carpet, remodeling the kitchen, bathrooms, walk-in closets, buying her a new car while you drove a used minivan. You fool! The more you have given the more you have to pay for spousal support. It’s foolish, immoral, and it’s the law. Yes, go ahead and grieve and beat yourself up, and once you are done, get rid of that fool, his time is over.

Sorry for being lied to. “Happy wife, happy life”, nope! “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death” (translation “Until I feel like since I can walk away with most of your hard earned wealth”). Yes you have been manipulated. Be mad… at yourself. You let them make the thinking for you and you now pay dearly. A supremely expensive lesson. Don’t to you ever forget it!

Sorry for the abuse. The contempt, the systematic attack to your good character, the vitriolic disrespect towards you and your family, the belittlement, the continuous verbal aggression, not letting go of ancient (and minor) mistakes. History revisionism, all the good you did is forgotten or worse denied and twisted to be bad. You are not good enough. The house you provide is not good enough. Guilty and always under suspicion, no “habeas corpus”, no exculpatory evidence belived. You are a piece of s**t because a young woman happen to cross the street in front of you. What she believes you may be thinking, is her iron clad evidence of your guilt.

Sorry for all the sorry you had to deliver without ever hearing one back.

Well I’m sorry my fellow stranger. I’m really sorry!

I also do have a long list of “Thank You” but I’ll keep it short:

• Thank you for the best advice: be a “gray rock” in these dark times and concentrate all your energy in reaching D-Day. It’s a battle and a journey, NO DISTRACTIONS till you are on the other side.

• Thank you for the support of brotherhood. This forum being a prime example of it.

• Thank you for this ordeal. Yes, you got it right, I am emerging from this with a joyful eagerness to pursue enlightenment, self-improvement, and a renewed love for life and hope for the many happy years to come.

Be strong, be focused, be a rock.