Talking Back - Are you seeing anyone else?

abdada · 2018-02-20T15:19:49+00:00

This entire topic ignores outcome independence. You're asking about how to affect her mindset. She is unimportant to your goals overall, so what you say and how you say it should revolve around your goals and your goals only.

My current LTR knew up front that not only was I not looking for anything special from her, but that I had other women trying to climb the ladder, and if she wanted anything beyond a casual date once or twice a month, she'd have to get in line. She waited it out almost 4 years as open plate status but never pressured, never argued, never nagged about it. She defends her position now gracefully, because she knows how fast I can next an LTR.

But, that serves MY goals. Her goals are served by whatever she wants, and I'm not going to spend 2 seconds of my life wondering what I can do to affect her goals or mindset. If she fails me, she fails the relationship, and that means she's replaced.

fnordsnord · 2018-02-20T15:41:50+00:00

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ChadFromColumbus · 2018-02-20T16:53:49+00:00

Depends on the situation and girl but here are a few responses I've used:

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."

"Yeah, I've been dating around." Said very casually as its a reply to a stupid question. Of course you are seeing other people, silly girl, is the tone. Maybe add in something about there being no one else special if you actually are into the girl.

You can also AA/pressure flip and tease her about being jealous.

Amused mastery. Don't give a truly direct answer whatever you do.

Ricklogical · 2018-02-20T15:29:29+00:00

In my opinion, until you know a woman is worth more focus you should always be trying to become close with more women.

The networking should never end.

Even if you LTR, you continue approaching women. You continue to befriend them and network.

She needs to know up front you will never let go of your network, and you will always expand it. The only thing she should expect is a bar to reach where you will stop having sex with those other women, but if she isn't there, she isn't there.

It's a great opening to explain to her that, yes you enjoy her, but no there are things that don't exactly make your relationship at that level at this time. It takes years of solid interactions, going through experiences to really know a person.

If she's in a rush, she needs to be reminded the faster things escalate the faster they fall apart. Strong relationships are built slow and carefully over time.

She wont like hearing you are fucking other people, but that's okay. She can do better by you and gain more of your attention, or continue on, or move on. Doesn't matter to you, you have plenty of options, and even more options without her.

Triadis3 · 2018-02-20T16:15:59+00:00

This comes up so frequently it should be posted under the FAQ on the sidebar....

Are we exclusive? Handling "The Talk."---------->

Title	Talking Back - Are you seeing anyone else?
Author	missingkey2
Upvotes	1
Comments	12
Date	February 20, 2018 3:14 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7ywl8g/talking_back_are_you_seeing_anyone_else/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/talking-back-are-you-seeing-anyone-else.124340 https://theredarchive.com/post/124340

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