I'm 26 and have done a lot to improve my physical appearance and maturity, but I feel like I wasted my prime years not doing good enough to make friends. I missed out on every homecoming, party, and prom, and immediately after graduation it was like I knew nobody and nobody knew me.

The last 8 years all I've done is work, and then go home to play videogames unless I go out to the bar by myself which results in a few conversations but nothing ever more than that. There was one instance where I kissed a girl but I never had a girlfriend or lost my virginity, and that makes me feel like I'm failing in life.

The weight of knowing I have no close friends to talk to whenever I feel down, not having a dad for 16 years (which a lack of a father figure has definitely set me back a bit), and having to go through psychilogical abuse to the point where I was shaking and crying every night for a few years has set me back very far in life, becuase all I did was worry about what was going to happen next.

I've been depressed for 14 years now, and I feel like I've gotten over most issues in my head, I just want to have a feeling of belonging for once becuase I feel like I lost it when I was just a kid.

I hate to sound pitiful and I don't want to say I'm jealous but it seriously sucks when I've seen people in my grade who's been able to grow their social skills with ease since childhood, and have friends and partners, and seeing them getting married and having kids while I spent most my childhood indoors not being allowed to go outside, and getting yelled at to the point where I'm mentally defeated by my mom on an almost daily basis up until my adulthood.

This was just meant to be a post asking for advice but ended up being a long venting essay. People who say things like "man up, suck it up" or "just be happy, stop overthinking" have no idea what a traumatic upbringing, or being isolated for most of your childhood can do to you.