Can an innately introverted, somewhat anxious guy actually become skillful? How exactly do you, "develop your social skills"?

areacode212 · 2022-07-16T20:09:46+00:00

Being introverted but also confident, with a touch of slight arrogance & self-importance and a bit of brazen charm, is actually a pretty good description of my personality!

You can work on each of these qualities at your own pace. Don’t conflate shyness and being an introvert. It just means that you excel in one-on-ones & small groups more than big groups and that you lose energy from lots of social interactions.

Some tips: When interacting with others, keep things light & jokey, don’t be afraid to push the envelope in terms of familiarity, but don’t be a rude asshole. Just lightly tease them in a nice way. Pay attention to things they say and play off of that (we introverts are good at this). You don’t have to play the extrovert’s game to get a bigger personality or become more charming as an introvert. Just be candid, have your own opinions but also try to make others feel good about themselves.

Stujitsu2 · 2022-07-16T19:16:38+00:00

If you have the courage to push your boundaries. I was cripplingly shy as a kid and young teen. I solved it by getting a job that forced me to talk to people. I think you need to figure our your current level and push boundaries. Assuming the worst, start by saying hi to 100 strangers. Then say hi to 100 attractive women. Then try to engage in a platonic conversation with 10 women. Then ask one woman on a date. Then go open 100 women with something flirty like "Hey pretty/cutie!"

By the time you do all of that you shouldn't have much social anxiety any more if you really do this.

Don't expect to be confident in new situations. Real confidence is exclusively a product of successful experience, everything else is bullshit. What you need is courage. Courage is the more attractive quality in my opinion. Its more important for the survival and advancement of humanity. You can't push boundaries with confidence because it doesn't exist in a realm where there is boundaries to be pushed. Courage took humans out of Africa, Vikings across the sea, man on the moon and victory in battles. If you think those people were unafraid you are out your mind. And all you have to do is talk to someone.

Greybluesweater · 2022-07-16T20:48:25+00:00

You sound a bit like me. And although I'm no skilful master who gives worldly advice, I do have a few 'policies' in place that help me and maybe you. I make policies for myself, so that my mind has no other choice but to follow. It's easier said than done. They might not be the best advice for seduction per se, but the first priority is getting you out of your shell.

You've gotta be more outgoing, assertive and confident. There's no other option. If you cannot, you can only rely on the 'stront and silent' guy personality. But women have so many options nowadays, you can never stand out unless you're an attractive public figure. Sure, some girls do go after the silent guys, but they're getting rarer by the day, coupled with the odds of mutual attraction, it will only fuck up any sort of mathematical probability. Stand up for what you want, offend an asshole. It's okay. Nothing is going to happen that you will remember for more than half a day.
Have an attitude to have 'fun' in life. Realise, that life is truly your ONLY asset, you gotta have as much fun as possible before noticeable depreciation kicks in. Be it alone or with someone, while doing something adventurous, or while doing something serious. While studying or playing. Just have a end goal to have fun. Talking about it makes me think just how so much of this sounds like some self-help bullshit, but it was super helpful for me, as it changed how I approached social situations. Instead of trying to prove myself to someone else, I'm just looking for some fun. To have a friendly banter, a smoke or some jokes with buddies. Suddenly, the same shy guy sitting in the corner talks to everyone in the class, is outgoing and cracks jokes. Ofcourse, I make blunders, too many to count. I just say 'meh' to myself and move on. In all honesty, I'm still a bit uneasy with this, but it's just because I'm out of my comfort zone. One that I have built and fortified for a decade now. I've realised the importance of a good social circle, and you need to do that to.
Go to the gym. End of sentence. If already do, awesome.
Stop apologizing. Just look at your own post here. If you think you have a weird problem, no need to apologise for it. Nobody cares, and if they do, tell them to fuck off.
Last but not least, start looking for 'scary-good' situations. Not scary life threatening situations, but good ones which push you to achieve more. Like going after women who you think are out of your league. Looking at the hot girl across the room or the street, dead in the eye with a slight smile/smirk, and hold until she breaks the eye contact first. Going over to talk to her, even if it's just you awfully fumbling through the conversation. It's the kind of scary that makes you feel good no matter the outcome. These are the moments you'll realise what you're made of.

P7o7s7t7a7l · 2022-07-16T18:54:06+00:00

You sound like me at seventeen. If I had to relate, i think it was because I was stigmatized. That's like saying that the social scene I'm privi to leads me to behave, think, and believe I am this way.

You are only twenty so you have a lot of life in front of you. You should do whats comfortable and stay focused on your goals. If you want to improve your social skills, you have to want to. Challenge yourself. Just say hi to five people today, that never are going to see you again. It might clear the fog in your head about how you want to proceed. It takes effort to really develop those skills.

WillyWonker97 · 2022-07-16T18:53:14+00:00

I think there is hope. I am/was the same, started 9 month ago and to be fair I am still not super good with women and my success is not their yet but I am soo much more social then before. On a scale from 0 - 100 I went from 0 to maybe 40. But I did really a lot to come that far. But I think I still have at least 1 year to go maybe even more. You will need perseverance and you really really have to believe in you. At the beginning I did not see any hope and felt sooo bad, sad and frustrated. But when you never give up and put in the effort it takes you will reach your goal to 100%!!! I wish you the best of luck 🍀🙂

stanthemilkman88 · 2022-07-17T14:04:16+00:00

You can be social and introverted. Don't mate introverted an identity. When I go out or to a party I take a few minutes time out, out side to recharge. It can be done stop making excuses.

Your identity is what you do.

KissMyAshWhole · 2022-07-17T14:58:20+00:00

Tell the chicks how you constantly threaten to kill yourself on Reddit. That gets them wet.

whatthe_oklmao · 2022-07-17T21:37:16+00:00

To answer the title, yes you can become skillful but you have to want to develop these skills, if you don’t wanna get out of your comfort zone, you’re gonna stay in the same spot you are in right now.

I’m a female in my early 20s and I’ve also never been in a relationship but I’ve come to learn a few things as I’ve gone out more.

women, I think, want confidence, combined with a touch of slight arrogance and a sense of self-importance, plus a bit of just brazen charm

I think it depends on the person. As a tween girl I liked fictional “bad boys” or just ones with spunk and I liked one bad boy in HS. However the reason I got over this bad boy is because of his arrogance. I don’t think (even the slightest) arrogance is something woman like generally. It’s a turn off for me when I see guys acting like they’re so cool. I think it all depends if the guy is charismatic or not. Some guys have charisma and some don’t therefore the execution fails or is successful. In other words, girls don’t like these type of guys because they’re arrogant, it’s because of their charisma that makes them magnetizing that their arrogance is overlooked. I’ve recently liked a charismatic guy who was a bit arrogant and I hate that I liked him.

It can be exhausting and I feel you on that but you have to want to develop your skills and push through that laziness to not want to socialize with new people (I say this from experience lol).

I am also scared of people finding me repulsive if I get too familiar without their consent

What do you mean by that? Why would they find you repulsive. If this is just basic fear of rejection, it seems like something you haven’t quite come to accept. I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to learn to not give a fuck. If someone really is repulsed, then you gotta tell yourself “ok whatever” and meet others. It’s all about trial and error until you find people who like you for you or don’t mind your weirdness.

Sometimes with large groups of people (5+) one can’t really thrive socially as bigger personalities take over. You shouldn’t try to be a douchebag, you should try to be the best authentic version of yourself.

Only dumb desperate girls fall for arrogant guys with no charisma. It’s more understandable if they’re charismatic. Someone who isn’t dumb well quickly see right through a douchebag.

Again, no women do NOT like arrogant men. Maybe in fiction but not in real life. Women like confidence and guys who can keep a conversation going, someone who’s fun, funny, sweet, mature and kind. It just depends if your personalities are compatible.

You don’t have to hold conversations with larger groups of people, stick to under 5 people because that’s what works for you and I think a lot of people.

Yes you can develop a good game while also being introverted, you just have to put the effort it and you’re gonna have to want to improve, therefore meaning you might have to get out of your comfort zone. As an introverted female around the same age as you, yes there’s hope, you’re still young. You just have to face the fear of social anxiety/fear, shyness or whatever you have because it’s not all about you being introverted.

Love_Eternal · 2022-07-18T10:31:01+00:00

It's lots of hard work, ngl. You will have to work harder on it than most. But it is doable, so start NOW.

Title	Can an innately introverted, somewhat anxious guy actually become skillful? How exactly do you, "develop your social skills"?
Author	C111tla
Upvotes	8
Comments	9
Date	July 16, 2022 6:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w0n6iw/can_an_innately_introverted_somewhat_anxious_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/can-an-innately-introverted-somewhat-anxious-guy.1254336 https://theredarchive.com/post/1254336

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