Today some girl started shouting at me claiming that I cut in front of her while boarding a train. I tried to keep my cool, kept eye contact, and calmly replied "chill". She insulted me, I told her "that's not very polite", she said "you started the unpoliteness" and I said "ok, sure" and disengaged.

While I think I handled the situation fine, I didn't feel in control at that moment. I felt anger, and I felt like my goal was to piss her off as much as possible. In retrospect, I should have just ignored her and laughed at her babbling.

This post is obviously not about this single interaction. I find myself having the same issue at work, when either arguing over the design of something or when I feel like I've been disrespected.

I consciously have to force myself to be as professional as possible, but deep inside I feel angry and I feel like I want confrontation and conflict. Even though I never acted in an unprofessional manner, I've been told multiple times that the way I "deliver feedback" or "respond to criticism/mistakes" comes across as "slightly aggressive" and that "it is noticeable that I am really upset".

I'm struggling with this. On one hand, I don't want to be disrespected and I want to make it clear that I won't accept it to anyone who does that. On the other hand, I want to feel in control of the situation and not feel like I'm fighting against my emotions.

Does anyone have any tip on how I can address this issue?