What’s up, fellas?

First thing I have to say is that I lost access to the account I posted my first field report on. The username was too similar to an old IRL nickname, anyway, so I'm starting fresh with this account.

Welcome to this weekend’s field report! Here’s the scenario: on Friday, I went out with my friends, and then happened to run into a bunch of other people I know. It’s always great to see my pals but I’m at a phase in my life right now where I’m really frustrated with my sex life and I’m trying to focus on improving my game. So I didn’t open as many sets as I hoped to, partly because I was occupied talking to people I knew and partly because my approach-anxiety brain used them as an excuse not to approach. In the few sets I did open, I still think I learned a lot about maintaining frame and group dynamics--so even though I may not have done a ton of approaches, I internalized a lot of information that will help me in the future.

Saturday night, I went out again, this time just me and a female friend of mine from work. Again, we ran into people we knew, but I got a couple of approaches in. Here are the details:

Friday Approach #1

Situation

I guess we’d consider this a warm approach because I was talking to a buddy who introduced me to three young women he was friends with. I know this sub isn’t too hot on old-school Mystery Method stuff, but I’ve been rereading The Game and it’s all been on my mind. I totally ignored the hottest girl in the group while I talked to my buddy and half-flirted with the two other girls. To my great surprise, the more I ignored the hot one the more she seemed to want my attention--any time I made eye contact she’d inch closer to me. I eventually addressed her by teasing her for knocking the straw out of my drink, then I got her name wrong--an honest mistake, just got a letter wrong--and she apologized to me.

Unfortunately, the group decided to move, and as we all traversed the bar I got caught up in conversation with somebody else. I didn’t want to follow them around, anyway, because I figured I’d look needy. I intended to return to the set later but they left before I could do that.

What I did right

  • I was definitely the dominant presence in the conversation, in terms of personality, body language, and physical placement in the group. I’m not always able to position myself like that, so this was a success. It helped that my buddy and I have known each other for so long and could talk each other up for social proof.
  • This was my first time experimenting with the whole ‘ignore the hot girl, neg the target’ thing because I’ve been nervous and skeptical. But it seemed to work a little bit. I’m naturally the type of person who wants to include and entertain everybody, so it was a bit of a challenge, but I pushed against my people-pleasing instincts.

What I could have done better

  • I think I needed more material–and I don’t mean pre-memorized PUA routines necessarily, although that might work. I’ve just been struggling lately finding things to say, because I keep defaulting back to the same old bullshit about people’s jobs or school, and I don’t think anybody really wants to talk about that. Do you guys have fun topics you like to talk about?
  • I failed to close, which has always been a sticking point for me. I focus so much on opening and hooking the girl that I don’t know how the hell to close, probably because I subconsciously believe that I can’t attract anybody. Not only do I need to eradicate that negative belief, but I need to figure out a better strategy. In hindsight, I could have asked her for her number before she walked away, just in case she left before we could talk again.

Friday Approach #2

Situation

This, fellas, was a weird one. The set was two guys sitting with a cute-as-hell blonde girl, with a third guy who was just chilling, walking around and coming in and out of the conversation. I recognized one of the guys from a class I took last semester, so I walked up and said hello. He started telling everybody what a great job I did on my presentations, really laying it on thick. The other dude, who apparently goes to the same gym as me, started talking about how dedicated I am to working out and how he always sees me lifting and running on the track.

I was suspicious but took the compliments at face value, then I turned to the blonde girl and jokingly asked her to insult me before these guys blew up my ego so much I floated away. I thought it was a good line, especially off the cuff. She told me she couldn’t insult me and complimented my glasses.

Now, the weird part. The two guys started pointing at her and saying "isn’t she fine? Isn’t she a ten? Isn’t she?" I decided to take a risk, so I looked her up and down, gave her a grin, and jokingly said "meh."

Wrong response, I guess. She laughed, but the two dudes started hounding me and going "don’t you ever say ‘meh’ to a woman, you take it back right now, she’s fine as hell, she’s a straight ten, blah blah blah," and I just stood there confused. But I didn’t back down or anything, and I kept trying to talk to the girl–who, to be clear, didn’t seem upset at all. The two dudes kept interrupting me, though. What was hilarious to me was that the third guy I mentioned earlier who was in and out of the conversation kept walking up to me and joking around about other things. It really threw off the white knight’s little intimidation act, and he was visibly bothered.

Eventually, the white knight looked at me and started saying ‘get the fuck out of here’ and I just stood there and stared him in the eyes. I’ve historically been very timid so I don’t know what the hell got into me. The third guy came back again, we joked around some more, then I shook all four of their hands, told them to say ‘what’s up’ if they see me in the gym, and linked back up with my friends.

What I did right

  • I’m gonna give myself credit for maintaining my frame like an absolute G. I didn’t close but it was great practice.
  • I took some social risks and did and said things I never would have done or said in the past. They may or may not have been the right things but I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone.

What I could have done better

  • Again, I failed to close. I wasn’t fast enough to come up with a plan in the moment because I was so taken aback, but I’ve come up with a little script for next time I run into a white knight like that: “She’s cute, but I’m not going to take participate in a culture where we elevate women simply for their beauty. Because that stops us from seeing them for who they really are, real humans with feelings who are just figuring this all out and trying to connect with people.” <insert white night response.> “I’ve been going up and down this street most weekends for a year, and do you know what I’ve learned? Beauty is common. It’s something you’re born with or you pay for. What matters is who you really are, what you make of yourself, if you’re willing to step outside of your comfort zone and try things. <girl’s name,> I don’t know you very well, but you seem like you have your head on straight. You don’t need anybody to compliment you or defend your honor to see your own value. Am I right?” Is this any good? This early in the development of my game, my whole intention is to run into as many situations as I can so I can gain experience and plan for future contingencies.

Saturday Approach #1

Situation

Very simple and straightforward. The set was three hot girls and a guy that was obviously dating one of them. I think the fact that I showed up with a girl was good for my social proof, we were dancing and I just danced up to the set. We started talking, they told me that they were there to celebrate the taken girl’s birthday. I used a personal classic routine, which is to guess the birthday girl’s age. Always say 23. If it’s a dude, always say 30. Why does this work? I have no idea.

One girl was giving me IOIs, dancing really close, showing lots of eye contact and smiling, and greeting me by name every time I walked away and came back. I made sure to do that whenever I felt like it because like I said, I’m experimenting with the whole acting disinterested thing. I teased her because her outfit was the exact color scheme as mine.

This was one of the first times I’ve actually let myself believe that a girl was into me. I’ve been working on challenging negative self-talk in therapy and my inner game is really on the up-and-up.

I went to the bar to get another drink and she walked up with her friend and told me they were leaving. Got her number. It was wild because she was, by far, the hottest girl I ever number-closed and also probably the least effort I’ve ever put into any pickup attempt ever.

What I did right

  • Had social proof through my friends
  • Good mindset–I was having fun dancing and that was my primary purpose there
  • Actually recognized and responded to IOIs for the first time
  • Number-closed

What I could have done better

  • For some reason I was hesitant. In hindsight, I had every reason to believe in myself but I almost didn’t take action. I’ll think about this next time I feel nervous.
  • I’ve gotten phone numbers before and have consistently been ignored. I’ve ignored at least half the girls I’ve number-closed, just out of bitterness and self-sabotage. I’m working on it, but I’m having the urge to not text. I just have to do it.

Saturday Approach #2

Situation

This went really well until the end. Target was a girl who had been dancing with almost every guy on the dancefloor at one point. Inevitably it became my turn to be her source of attention–she stood right next to me, looked me in the eyes, and what did I do? I brushed her off. As Mystery said, the pickup artist is the exception to the rule. It went against my AFC instincts, but I did it anyway.

She went and danced with some other dudes but kept positioning herself near me. I walked away to use the bathroom, then came back to the dancefloor, tapped her on the shoulder, did a little ‘come hither' motion with my hand, then turned around and walked to the back of the bar without looking back. And I’ll be damned, she actually followed me.

We talked for two or three minutes, she asked what I did and I made her guess, made lots of eye contact. Some song she knew came on and she wanted to go dance, so we did, which is when I lost control of the situation. She got me so horny that I lost track of my thoughts, which was a bummer. I’m not used to a girl dancing so sexually with me. It’s all a learning experience. When she walked away and told me she’d be right back I knew it was over. She started making out with another dude and then left with him. I feel like if I had the balls to make a move quicker it would have been me, but so it goes. Lesson learned. I’m sure there will be other opportunities soon.

What I did right

  • I made a real effort to not act needy and give her attention whenever she wanted it
  • Successfully isolated her, I’ve never done that before
  • Acted more boldly than I ever have, even if I could have been bolder

What I could have done better

  • In keeping with the pattern, I failed to close. In hindsight I realize that this was a scenario that required quick and bold action. I needed to take her outside, kiss her, and then take her home. It probably would have worked. All my experiences thus far have required more dialog, more resistance to deal with. This was a totally different situation that I wasn’t prepared for. I guess the huge variety of scenarios is just part of the game, and getting experience is the reason I’m getting out there and using these field reports to reflect.
  • I didn’t have the right mindset at the end, which is that I had nothing to lose. Even if she planned on going home with that dude the whole time and was just using me for entertainment, I still wouldn’t have had anything to lose by escalating. That’s one of those things that I’ve read and told myself hundreds of times but didn’t internalize until I lived it.

Conclusion/Questions

I’ve really learned a lot this weekend. For a while in my past, I was really just throwing spaghetti at the wall hoping it would stick, not changing my strategy but somehow hoping for a different outcome. And we all know what that means.

I’m starting to learn about the power of indifference and withholding attention, but I don’t think I’m wielding it very well right now. I still have a lot of nerves and approach anxiety to work through, and I want to work on doing a higher number of approaches because each one seems to chip away at my anxiety a little more.

My next main prospect will come on Thursday; I’m going to a concert a few hours away, and there’s a big college near my (suspiciously cheap) Airbnb. I think I’m going to wander the campus before the show and talk to some people to see if I can find out what bars are popular among the students. I’m 22 so I don’t think it’ll be weird for me to be there. Then hopefully I can check out the bar scene after the concert. Does this sound like something worth doing, or too cringey?

My questions for the sub after the weekend:

How would you have handled the situation I outlined in Friday Approach #2?

I’m having trouble working through a bit of a paradox: if I pretend to be uninterested/maintain a self-confident and indifferent frame, women seem to be more interested in me. But by approaching, am I not implying interest automatically? I’m starting to think that I’m already going to come off as needy if I approach, but I also realize that nothing will ever happen if I don’t. How do I figure that one out? And how do I balance indifference and honest interest/attraction?

Also please let me know if you have any other feedback, on my approaches or on the field report itself. I know it’s long and there may be too many details, but writing and reflecting on what happened is really helpful to me. If it’s all too long to read, maybe I’ll start posting abridged versions here.

Thanks, everybody! Until next time,

-Charlie