This will be unnecessarily long winded, but that’s just the way my mind works, you’ve been warned.

Last week, I felt like there were a lot of posts talking about women wanting ONLY tall and good looking guys and originally, i wanted to write a post about why that is not the reason they’re not getting women but brain decided to write about why I’m not getting women

I’ve noticed that when I try flirting, I try too hard or just have a hard time even coming up with something. I’m just not good at it when I know it’s purpose.

A bit on me: im 6’5, attractive (I’ve know since I was 20💀 truly used to believed i was ugly until one day i looked into a mirror hard one day and said “damn, im good looking”, dont know why but never felt ugly again after that, though i understand attractiveness encompasses more than good looks) and I’m on the spectrum. I’ve always had a hard time figuring out attraction from others from my own perspective, among many common social things. Nonetheless tho, I’ve had a friends tell me they had crushes on me in the past and that I just didn’t seem interested in them. I’ve been in situations where it was obvious something sexual was happening but I was not in the state of mind to realize. I have literally been in bed with 2 fine women (just friends in my mind), with me comfortably sleeping sandwiched between them, just to be berated over text the next day because I didn’t take the hint. I have plenty of beautiful fine women in my tinder hinge matches. Most of my matches, we either have amazing conversations that lead to nowhere or my opening flirtatious line would get no reply. Im good at talking with basically anyone. I never like to meet people but i knew as a kid I had social problems so I used to spend time practicing conversations as and understanding humans, also cause I was in a new country and wanted to make friends. So from a young age, I learned how to be charismatic when needed. I have gotten a 2 jobs just from randomly taking to people in my field without alluding to even wanting a job. I have multiple hobbies that I truly care about. My friends call me a Jack of all trades, but I like to call myself a master of all trades cause everything new that I find interesting, I spend hella time understanding and getting extremely good at. I hope you understand from this, I’m extremely confident in myself, my conversation skills, my personal life, and my looks. I’m putting all this out there to avoid the common responses on sub: “it seems like being nonchalant/not caring makes them attracted to you”, “you should learn to make friends and go out with no expectations”, “have more confidence in yourself”, “be around hot women”

Despite all this, when it comes to talking to women who I see as potential anything more than plutonic friends, I can’t stop talking with them as friends and when I try to make myself flirtatious, I start failing hard. My previous girlfriend, you know how we first kissed? I literally asked to kiss her, while she was already in my bed. I knew I didn’t know how to create tension or flirt, but I wanted her in my life so I did what made the most sense to me.

I don’t know what to do. I have all these attractive women I match with and talk to that turn into nothing. It just feels like every time I purposely try to bring someone into my life according to the rules of this sub, I fucking suck and it’s getting tiring.

With autism, I tend to put social interactions in boxes, each box with its own rules and socially acceptable behaviors, and rarely/basically never do the boxes ever intercross, that includes work, friends, significant others, strangers in stores, strangers at bars, and many more. The boxes never cross, but the people can jump from box to box, never multiple boxes. Example: I have a friend I ended up having a hard crush who I knew was not interested me at all. I knew her box would never change and to stop my mind from hanging on to that change, I confessed to her and told her I knew she wasn’t not interested but that I had to tell her so could she verbally tell me no and my mind would be back in order (she somehow ended up developing a crush on me after, never pursued it and we’re still very close friends).

100% of my dating life is online. Your recommendation would be “go outside, talk with people, have no expectations”. My breakup is about 3 months old now and I’ve been going out for about less than 2 months and since then, I’ve just made friends and friends and friends, women even come up to me sometimes, but it never goes anywhere. When I have no expectations, yes i have fun but that also makes easier for me to just make friends and nothing more. “Find a reason escalate” ok but how, especially you’re just having a friendly conversation. Every first sexual interaction I’ve had with a woman (besides my ex), the woman initiated. Yes, i should be happy, they were all my types and when they weren’t my type, i showed i was not interested respectfully, so yes i still have some decision on who i bring into my sexual life, i just wish it was not limited to just women who had the guts to do what I cant/dont know how to. I had

I want to be able to flirt properly with my own picks and reel them in, not be the one reeled in ever so often and i dont know if its my austim stoping from attaining that skill or just truly something I need even more practice one, or how to practice it without making it seem like im only interested in being friends. There might be me putting the woman on a pedestal and though it would be reasonable, its confusing to accept because why do i not put women on a pedestal when my motive is not getting intimate. Wish i could understand more