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[–]pokemonpokemonmario[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The insecurity is something you just have to live with and once you learn to do that it effectively has gone away but in reality it's always there you just pay it no mind. Easier said than done though.
Do you meditate ? Have you tried therapy or something to find the route cause of your feelings ?
[–]MSHUser 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I've done meditation before and tried to seek therapy. Another thing I do is write my feelings down on a paper in order to figure out where it's coming from. I thought it was mostly due to a lack of experience in certain areas of life like since I hadn't had sex yet, I need to have sex in order to know I'm doing something right with my approach. But I was able to grow in this area without needing to have sex cuz I have been in a situation where I was on a date with her, and I was in the escalation stages with her before I could get to sex. So I'm thinking my insecurity has to do with an internal thought that's running in my head, a thought I have no idea how to deal with yet.
[–]pokemonpokemonmario[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So you know how like with meditation you don't ignore your thoughts but instead observe them and don't react to them. Try applying this to the thoughts and feelings you get that you feel are holding you back.
You are totally right. It's not about if you have had sex or not, it's all about your confidence or rather how confident you come across to the girl you're pursuing.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You need to explore what it is exactly about not feeling worthy of a relationship that is the source of this emotion.
I had it as well and for me, what the deep belief was that despite me consciously believing I am worthy, I would find myself deeply insecure that she would eventually leave me.
First look up attachment type theory. Take a free test online and explore the types. I would bet that this will explain the majority of the situation initially and will guide you to figure out specifically, exactly what is the core of this belief.
For me I realised that the core of my insecurity is that I don’t believe I have what it takes to actually maintain attraction. Deep down I’m still insecure about how attraction works. When I chase this further I see that it’s connected to my overall confidence with relating to women.
Once I found this, I was able to draw up a plan to build myself in baby steps, keeping that eye on the goal because it’s easy to forget what you realised and what you are trying to do.
You have to explore this properly because if you don’t it will, [READ: IT WILL] come back to haunt you.
Insecurity is the WORST thing in a relationship. It will burn it like acid.
Hey man. So I tried out your suggestion and I was able to find something interesting about it. I felt like growing up I had a more anxious attachment style as I grew up sometimes trusting my parents but sometimes not trusting my parents due to their own behavioural problems. I made a post about this at another reddit forum. So my relationship with my parents, I would say it's a more "anxious" type. However, when I took the quiz in multiple sources, I notice it's mostly asking me about romantic situations. At this point I've done a lot of self-development, and I notice that I opened up to friends before and have opened up to women I've dated in the past, even if I don't keep in touch with them anymore. The quiz says I have a more "secure" attachment style which I'm not gonna lie, after doing some self-improvement on myself I feel like with the right partner who has the right things I'm looking for, I can open up to them. I do want someone who I can open up to and be fully accepted. I think what I went through with my parents made me who I am today, afraid of making mistakes because they always had disproportionate backlashes and shit. I also think I grew up watching family comedies that sometimes include romantic plotlines and I love the parts where two people emotionally share and connect with each other, maybe because I couldn't get that from my own family I got it here. So yea I'm in a weird territory where my attachment style is between "secure" and "anxious".
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s great, you’ve done a heck of a lot more than most do in self awareness. It takes time to correct these aspects and I agree, with the right person it’s easier to open up. I’m dismissive avoidant. The middle kid always gets forgotten and unfortunately in my situation, a death in the family left my parents stricken with grief and you can’t exactly parent well in that state. Being a kid and not understanding death, what it means, how it can happen; a lot of anxiety. That bad experience conditioned me into “I can’t rely on anyone otherwise I’ll get hurt” and this filters through to trust as well.
I’m on the way to secure attachment but every now and then I can still feel part of that damaged self needs more time
[–]Yellow223335 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea this is an age old question with no real answer. YOU have to find that answer yourself and find what your value is. Does not matter if your high value or low value or rich or power or charimatic or boring, or male or female. It is something you should find the answer too.
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[–]pokemonpokemonmario[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]MSHUser 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pokemonpokemonmario[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]MSHUser 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yellow223335 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link