If compatibility is driven by our similarities, chemistry is driven by our differences.

I want you to remember that line.

What we ultimately seek in the opposite sex is someone who has the things we feel we lack, but isn't so different from us that we can't stand to be around them day-to-day.

That's what friends with benefits are, when it works. Two people who aren't romantically compatible but have sexual chemistry.

It's why women are drawn to confident men, because many women are not confident and the ones that are want a man who can at least match them.

And it's why men are drawn to women who are agreeable, extroverted, sensual, and open to new experiences. Because many men are not those things.

So here's how you calibrate.

You sense the vibe coming off that person.

Are they high-strung, impulsive, and energetic, or more laid back, orderly, and reserved?

Are they shy, prone to staring at you from across a room, or are they more in the moment, and in your space?

Are they introverted, pragmatic, and task-oriented, or more extroverted, idealistic, and people-oriented?

If you can answer those questions, congratulations now you know what that person responds to on an emotional/sexual level.

Now you know why daddy's little princess looks for outlaws and rebels.

Now you know why super-extroverted social butterfly types like more introverted passionate creative types.

One of the major differences between guys and girls when it comes to dating is that women look for chemistry first, while men look for compatibility first. In the initial phase of meeting someone most men only need a girl to be hot and for him to appear to have a chance to get him to see her as an option. But what really makes a man chase a woman is that plus things like common interests, similar background and values - things that make her more compatible.

Whereas for women, those things don't really become relevant until she's already attracted enough to consider sleeping with him.

So when it comes to women and sexual chemistry, I find there's two types - the daydreamers and the tomboys. The daydreamers are shy, live in their head, and stare down the object of their desire, often from a distance.

Whereas the tomboys are more live in the moment, high-energy, and stand close or run into their guy, rather than give him the goo-goo eyes.

The daydreamers respond to the stoic strong-silent energy from men because they project psychological strength and their vulnerability is hidden, something she has to chase and by doing so, embrace her own.

The tomboys on the other hand respond to a more passionate, ballsy approach that ramps up the sexual tension and forces them to respond. They want to earn a guy's attention by showing off their spunk and daring.

Get the idea?

The key to this approach is to feel out her vibe, because very few people are extremes. We're often a little bit of both, or some times we're feeling a little more up or down than normal.

Think of it like this. Girls who feel vulnerable respond to masculine strength. Girls who feel unfulfilled respond to masculine passion. Ultimately most girls want both, but most people generally want one a little more than the other.

Hope that's food for thought!