I had a second date with Kelly, a girl I matched with on Hinge. First date we got drinks at a dive bar, talked for hours, agreed to see each other again. Second date I invite her over for dinner. We talk while I cook, eat, drink, move to the couch, and talk some more. The conversation is never dull-we share a lot of similar interests and share the satisfaction we get from them- but I feel like I’m getting a dissertation from her rather than speaking-from-the-heart honesty. At the end of the night she tells me she needs to get going because she wants to stop and see a friend who lives one floor down in my building. At that point I grab her hand, tell her I’ve had a fun night and want to give her a kiss goodnight.

We have the most awkward (not in a cute way) and dispassionate kiss I’ve ever shared with a woman. It was like kissing a mannequin, or someone wearing those weird wax lips you used to get at Halloween. My heart sinks as I walk her to the door. I show her out and she leans in to give me another milquetoast kiss, and that’s that.

Now this is frustrating for a number of reasons. I don’t think I have to lay out what my hope was for the evening- in my last post I did the exact same date with a different girl and we didn’t even make it to dessert before we were fucking each other’s brains out. So these are the points I’m hoping to discuss:

-Why did she tell her friend she was going to stop by? Kelly doesn’t live in that part of town so I can understand wanting to see someone you don’t normally see but why not before the date? Why see her at all?

-How do I escalate and get sexual with her? When we were on the couch I tried introducing sexual topics (first kiss, first sexual experience, funniest, etc) but none of these conversations really got her excited in the way that I have found to excite other girls; in fact, they kind of made her curl up and withdraw physically. When she answered the questions she shared her answers in that detached “dissertation” manner. However, when the conversation got less sexual and we were showing each other music and funny videos her body language opened up and she seemed more comfortable around me, at points getting visibly excited and sharing a lot of genuine laughs. Did I introduce escalation too soon? Do I need to find another way to make her feel more comfortable that’s less direct?

We’re seeing each other again on Friday, we’re going to see A Quiet Place 2 in theaters. I’m thinking I need to initiate more physical contact, so hand holding before we sit down, arm around her shoulder during the movie, hand on her leg, etc. It being a scary movie should help as well. Afterwards I’m going to invite her back to my place for a drink but depending on how comfortable she seems I’ll either leave sex as an implication or outright tell her I’d like to bring you back to my place and fuck your brains out.

Any advice on how to proceed is welcome and appreciated! I got out of a LTR of four years a couple of months ago so I’m rusty AF.

Thanks sedditors