I know I know – there are already too many prophets here already. Fuck it, I’m going to teach you how to live.

First, I’m no artist. I’m no master. In fact, I’ve failed hard. A lot. But I get mad gash, I have a blast, and in between I’ve had meaningful relationships.

So read my shit and get yours. I’m killing this shit. I got mine, now it’s time for you to get yours.

First, shut that fucking annoying squeal of a voice in your head off. Pay attention.

I’m a man. I don’t give in. I don’t take shit. Not even from a gorgeous flighty temptress with the rack of a moose god.

What does that make me? Who am I? Alpha?

Nope.

I’m me, I’m a man.

What’s with this alpha shit anyway? Being a man is about not giving a fuck about being a man. It’s about strength.

A word on strength – it’s not what you think.

Imagine yourself a leader – a king – of many people. You are responsible for their livelihoods, for their families, for their survival.

Stop and consider this.

Seriously stop. Picture yourself THE King.

What do you do to the interlopers? Start smacking every little bitch who steps in your way? Start laying the smackdown on those arrogant assholes. Fuckers walked on your territory. Use your fucking army to stomp their puny little heads in. Rip their hearts out. Rejoice in the screams. Watch their women lament from the pain of their lovers.

Would you?

If that’s your instinct, you’re a woman. Insecure at that. Leave those emotions to women. Let your woman freak out. Let her handle those flighty emotions. She’s the god damned bird in this relationship. Not you.

You’re not a bird. You’re a fucking man. You stand solid. No one can control you but yourself. Cowboy the fuck up. Do you.

That’s strength. Write that down.

When you’re a king, you deeply consider, you carefully plan, and you systematically crush. You do it because you’re responsible for your people. You do it, because no one else will. You don’t wait for anyone else. You don’t expect anyone else to do it. You are the fucking man. It ends with you.

Let your queen be flighty. She’s your woman. Be the man. That’s your shit.

Sometimes women ask me, “What do you think of …” and I always say the same thing – “Hurr da durr derp. It was fucking cash.”

Guess what. Women don’t give a twirling twat twinkle about what you say – in fact – not a soul in existence gives a flying rats’ right rectum about what you say.

Not even your mom.

You want to matter? You want to make your mark?

It’s how you say it. It’s what you do.

I probably fucked your mom.

You want to be a man? Be strong and do what you do. Stop analyzing all this bullshit. Stop poring over the sidebar. Stop studying. Stop focusing on the details. Know who you are – own it. Go out and do it.

Write that down.

Where are you hiding? On your computer? In your briefcase? I met a girl a several months back. She doesn’t have a computer and lives in a dump with a stuck up lesbian. She’s more interesting than any other girl who’s seen my wiener. In fact, she takes the dick like a damn tiger and doesn’t stop.

Be like that. Take my dick like a tiger. (jkjk…or am i?) Be someone who is interesting. Go out and do it.

But how?

Do you.

Do something that you love and keep doing it. Fuck everyone. Your life is about you. Be selfish first, use your strength to take care of others second. Let’s be honest - you’re going to die pretty damn soon. Maybe tomorrow. Get your shit together; start living.

Repeat these words: “I don’t need your pussy, bitch – I’m on my own dick.”

“I don’t need your pussy, bitch – I’m on my own dick.”

“I don’t need your pussy, bitch – I’m on my own dick.”

Kanye West fucked your girlfriend while you weren’t looking.

Make sense?

Story time. I’m going to make this very simple.

  1. Went to friend’s house.

  2. Saw hot neighbor.

  3. Removed shirt.

  4. Knocked on her door.

That’s it. She wasn’t special. I didn’t do anything special. I smoked her weed. I drank her booze. I shook her boyfriend’s hand. I fucked her.

Now stop letting the details fuck your mind and just go. Live it.

Edit: Took out the FR.