A little background: I'm 28, she is 37, recent divorcee. Had a first date which went (relatively) well, but without any closing. I needed to go out of country for 10 days. She kept the contact, saying she would appreciate seeing me again.

When I come back, I invite her to a nice event, she seems excited at first, but the next day she texts me that she is very low energy at the moment, so she won't go to the event. In the text she mentions that she "appreciates this new friendship". I think this is bullshit and I'm ready to next her. So I read the message but don't reply for a couple of days. She then sends me another message saying something like: "What I'm saying is that if you want to do something low key nearby I'm up for that. Tea, talk, walk.".

Actual Field Report

We decided that I would get tea and cake at her place after having a walk. I teased her a little bit about being a grandmother and I used this to do some push-pull during our walk.

The walk went fine. She started really low-energy, while I was high energy. So I needed to calibrate down a bit, just above her energy level and then slowly bring it up. The interaction went well: since we hadn't met for a month, I basically started over. Building some attraction and comfort. I did some kino and brought up sexual topics, but I didn't escalate too much in public (light touches, hugs, putting her arm around me jokingly).

Out there I learn that she is very tired and low energy because she is currently in court with her ex… hard times, I guess it sucks.

We went to her place. We had cake and tea. I brought the energy to a more intimate level. We weren't sitting across from each other, but we weren't too close either, so my touching was limited and going for the kiss naturally was difficult. So instead I took the chance of a pregnant pause, stood up and walked slowly towards her. We had talked before about how sometimes "you feel about doing certain things" and you need to follow the feelings. So I brought that up and said: "You know when you feel certain things are right?" she looked at me and I went for the kiss…

…she backed off, so I went for the cheek and did a slight hug. I made sure not to make things awkward and went to the bathroom, when I went out I immediately joked (she had funny things in the bathroom) and made sure that she perceived that it wasn't a big deal.

We resumed talking but then she just brought the subject up and said something like she really appreciates me, but she is not ready and she is protecting herself yadda-yadda. Of course she is in a shitty moment, just about to get in court with her ex, moving around in the apartment and so forth; but truth is that I hadn't built enough attraction, I guess. So I make that my focus.

She ends her disclaimer by saying (paraphrasing): "I wanted to make sure that I tell you things clearly, because I'm not there yet". I tell her that I wanted to make sure that it's clear that I don't like her as a friend, and I do a bit of push pull, telling that I wasn't sure (I bring up certain things that I really wasn't sure about her), but then today she surprised me and so forth.

She starts telling good things/attractive qualities about me that she was surprised about, so while she does it I go for holding hands. I hold her hand and start caressing her while she speaks. After a while, I leave her hand and we continue the conversation normally: I do some more explicit kino compared to what I had done before.

At some point she says: "I'm getting very hungry right now.", and I reply: "Are you inviting me to dinner?" and she says: "Sure!" so we get to the kitchen and while she is indecisive I take the lead and tell her that I'm gonna cook something for her. I'm pretty good at cooking, so I take I can DHV like that. While we are cooking I make sure that she's working to help me and to keep the topics vaguely sensual (we speak about being naked and so forth), I do longer hugs with hands lower on her back and push her away to keep on cooking.

We eat the food. Her table is set with chairs in front of one another. Before sitting down I tell her: "I hate how this setting feels" and I move the chair close to her, to make sure she knows my intentions are still pretty clear. She loves the food. After we finish, very satisfied. I tell her:"I'll tell you what, we go to the couch to listen to some music and chill for a bit on this nice sensation before I leave". She agrees.

We go to the couch. We put music. Immediately, we hold hands, I caress her legs. I try to pull her closely with a slight force, but I feel resistance, so I take two steps back and do a small freeze out enjoying the music. Back to kino. Suddenly, fireworks outside the window. I try to put my arm around her and I see her reacting stiffly, but at that point I decide to go a bit more explicit and tell her: "Come here, let's enjoy this". She says: "I'm sorry… but really, right now I kind of really need my 'own space'". I don't make a big deal out of that, but by then I know that basically nothing is going to happen.

I make sure a couple of more songs play, furthering the conversation (she's always engaged in the conversation and in the light kino). The fireworks end, one of my favourite songs of all time comes on Spotify… which is a nice coincidence, since she had decided the music and it was a remake of that song by an artist I never knew, so I didn't expect that.

I tell her it is and we enjoy it in silence. When it ends, I let a few more seconds of silence go by and then stand up and saying: "I will go now". I do, indeed, have a good feeling anyways: the ending was quite perfect and I can enjoy and appreciate those kind of things (fireworks started, as fireworks ended a song I love starts, and when the song ends and I am going away, Spotify actually had finished shuffling, so there was no more music).

I go at her door, hold her hands, get her closer to me by hugging her, she also hugs me. I tell her: "Too bad I met you in this moment of your life. But I wish you the best out of this". I get closer to kiss her forehead, and in the way to see if she reacts in a way as to expect a kiss on the lips. Which she doesn't.

So I go away.

Lessons learned: Well, I don't know what exactly went wrong there. Maybe she really is in a messed up moment, and not ready for this. Most likely I didn't build enough attraction for her to be ready for this. I'm okay with this, though: I'd like to give myself some points for being persistent when I normally wouldn't have, to maintain frame and make sure to not being phased too much, to show my intentions clearly.

Of course it's a bit of a pity: she's actually a pretty cool woman (also, she is more attractive than most girls my age ahah). But whatever.

I am sure I could have done something better, though I am not exactly sure where. So if you guys have any suggestions that you can spot in that FR, I appreciate anything.

Peace out.

神羅