I am talking about real fuck up your life 24/7 anxiety. I've had a debilitating anxiety disorder since about 11 years old, and as a kid too. Now at 24 years old it has gotten to the point where I had to leave school and work, and go live with my parents because I could not function due to horrid panic attacks daily, with DPDR and a constant anxiety and OCD. Again I repeat this is not just "ooo im scared to talk to this girl lol", it's serious debilitating "genetic" anxiety. (My dads and moms side of the family had anxiety problems...)

I started reading TRP at around 2013 when I realized there was something really wrong with the concept of relationships and my interaction with girls and started to find out why. This is how I figure out my problems, I first realize that there's a problem and then try to find the root of the problem. TRP seemed to answer a lot of the questions I had.

I've always quickly digested TRP concepts... but my problem would be in performing them. I've found parallels in my obstacles with TRP and relationships, and Boxing. I took up MMA quite a while ago, around 2010. Obsessed with it, I would train everyday, look up all these crazy training techniques, practice all the time. But, for some reason I didn't improve when it came to sparring. I had much more knowledge than my opponents at the time, much more training, my shadowboxing, bagwork, padwork and everything was at a MUCH higher level... yet I couldn't utilize them during sparring. When it came to sparring I would just shit myself metaphorically and stiffen up, and all my training would throw itself out the window and I would be reduced to some randy being thrown in the ring for the first time.

The same thing happened with TRP. I very quickly learned all the concepts, as a lot of them were things that I had known but not been able to put into words. I saw TRP concepts work in real life all the time, I would be able to observe and see where people messed up or did well in exchanges etc... yet when it came time for me to use any of the techniques or knowledge in a real life scenario I yet again shit the bed.

It all comes down to anxiety. This is the root of pretty much ALL my problems in my life. If I didn't have this ailment I would have quit a nice life. It affects me way more than the average person, it prevents me from doing things. I also am aiming to be a concert pianist, playing since I was 9, yet now I cannot perform anymore because if I go in front of an audience I will not be able to play due to my body locking up like a scared goat and not working properly.

It feels like such an uncontrollable, subconscious process, that even if I was the bravest man in the world I cannot stop it. It's like my mind has a mind of its own. lol. I am not a pussy, just so that is not thrown in the comments, I am far from a pussy, I never backed down from a challenge during my MMA training (still train), even fighting people 80 pounds bigger than me. That is why I am confused with this. Do I just have a broken process in my brain and cannot properly process anxiety?

I've been trying everything, lots of different therapies, medications etc....

Can anyone here help me put TRP concepts into real life, maybe some tips on how to do approaches and shit without fear? And to stop this anxiety from ruining the rest of my life? Thanks.