About 5, 6 years ago, when I was 15-17, I used to hang around in a place full of scene/emo guys and girls. There were meetings around once a month were hundreds, even thousands of people would gather in a mall and just do things and fuck around.

I made it my goal to hook up with as my girls as I could to build my confidence and courage. It worked out well, I got really confident and had a very high social status there.

Girls would add me to facebook every week, random girls who I don't even know would know who I am and start talking up to me, and giving me lots of attention. As time passed there, I would basically hook up with the girls who gave me the most attention.

So basically, the form of validation for me was girls giving me lots of attention and wanting my attention. I got used to the idea that a girl who is attracted to me is a girl who gives me lots of attention, and I wouldn't work too hard for it.

Now, 6 years later, I no longer live in that weird bubble. I am pretty confident, I am very courageous - I love approaching alot when I'm with people in social situations, and generally doing "extreme" things, and I'm very hyperactive, so it all works out for me.

However, one thing that has "scarred" me in a way, back from that time, is that I was desensitized to understanding woman attraction in a way. Now a days, I don't get the kind of attention that I used to. So my conscience pretty much tells me that it's a bad idea to make a move, because that girl isn't showing the signs of attraction that I'm used to.

As a result, I don't make moves enough, even on girls who are showing attraction or potentially attracted to me, because I've become desensitized. I also feel like I open greatly (girls recognize my energy and confidence), but I continue badly because my conscience tells me wrong things, and I bail too early, even though the girls in question were showing me signs of attraction.

How do I leave this toxic mindset? I feel like I'm self sabotaging in a way, and that the ways I act are extremely contradictory - I do great in social situations, but I don't make use of it, and basically waste any potential that I have.