Questions regarding self improvement

Hi guys I've been lurking around this sub for a month or so and I'm really loving the content. I've read Models by Mark Manson and can really connect with some of the points he stated. I would like to begin my journey of self improvement, and I understand I need to take it one step at a time.

For my whole life I've been trying to be the guy who never causes troubles for anyone, who's ok with anything, find difficulties in saying no, and tries to please people in general. I now see this as an issue. Also, I'm beginning to see that I am projecting myself differently to different people (subconsciously), doing and saying what I think is right, or what they like to hear. I'm starting to see this as an issue as it makes me seem kinda dull and blank. My personality seems like a blank canvas, or a chameleon, adapting and doing what pleases other people. I had the belief if I did the "right thing" people will like me, and realized that I've been seeking validation from everyone else but me.

So a couple things came in mind when I've began asking myself what I want and how I feel. How do I express myself freely without seeming stubborn, or displeasing others?

I apologize for this post not being about women, as I wish to patch myself up before moving onto the next step.

TL;DR - I'm a people pleaser, end up doing everything for others and feeling like shit myself, how do I have develop the True Confidence that Mark Manson speaks of without being stubborn/displeasing others.

Thanks in advance

EDIT: format for easier reading

[–]eazyThoughts 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

Had the same issue. Still dealing with it. Here are some of my thoughts.

Since you already read Models, you probably understand why it's crucial to be polarizing. If a man isn't controversial, everybody will be indifferent towards him. You have to ruffle some feathers, and be willing have people hate you, in order to have others love/respect/admire you.

How do I express myself freely without seeming stubborn, or displeasing others?

And here's the issue. You're too invested in what others think of you. "What if they don't like me?" Great. That means your no longer a pussy that's afraid to speak his mind.

You probably have it ingrained in you from early childhood that you should be respectful to everyone and consider every persons view point. I say fuck'em. Be an asshole. Be stubborn. Stop filtering what you think/say and be controversial. Before you worry about how everybody else feels, you have to worry about how you feel. You have to put yourself first (as Manson says, invest in yourself more than others), and women will be more inclined to put you first as well.

Relevant Reading: Book of Pook

[–]Murfdigidy 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree with this comment up to a point. I'm a totally nice guy and have your same personality in many ways. But Being a stud has zero about being a bad boy and everything to do with the confidence you portray. You see, your personality comes off as insecure because you are so accommodating to others as if anything they say is more important than your own. The key is to be comfortable with who and what you are and not give a fuck what other people think about that. Now that doesn't mean you pound your chest and act tough about it, no a real Player does it subtly. Girls pick up on this quiet confidence, this smooth mother f'r who is a gentleman yet confident as hell. He doesn't let things ruffle his feathers, everyone's opinion matters but so does your own, you know your shit and aren't afraid to speak it. It's belief in yourself, comfortable with who you are and again secure with yourself.

Being accommodating to others is a fine quality, it means you listen, you care enough to pay attention to others not just yourself. So use these positive qualities to your advantage but tweak them in a way that shows you're opinion matters and what you think is just as important. Offer different perspectives, it doesn't mean you need to disagree necessarily (though that is fine too) but often different perspectives make others think more about the topic and they'll respect you for opening of their eyes to these different perspectives.

Women want a man to be a man. Never ask a girl... So where do you want to go to dinner? They want a man to lead... You don't necessarily say this is where we are going tonight. Say I know this great Tai restaurant in the city I've been hearing good things about, why don't you join me? If she says I don't like Tai food, this is where your personality of accommodations needs to change. Bust her chops and say oh you're more of a Macdonalds girl I can tell, so is that more your speed???? It's busting chops this fun attitude that will make her laugh and lighten the mood. Then you can suggest another restaurant more pub style or general.

Anyway being confident and studly doesn't mean you change your moral values, it means you change your routine, your persona. One that says hey I'm fun, funny, and sure of myself. Accommodating others is fine to an extent, but in the end never let accommodation negate your own values and character....always make sure those come first and not be afraid to show people this even if their opinion differs.

[–]eazyThoughts 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Murfdigidy 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Questions regarding self improvement
Author	fixingself
Upvotes	17
Comments	4
Date	August 18, 2015 8:26 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3hhq55/questions_regarding_self_improvement/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/questions-regarding-self-improvement.1292192 https://theredarchive.com/post/1292192

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