Interesting article on approach anxiety (X-post from r/psychology)

polyphasic0007 · 2011-07-10T14:40:09+00:00

the realization that helped me the most with approach anxiety is to know that every girl, at one point in time, they were just a little kid with no hate, just having fun and stuff.

when I look at a girl, if I can imagine what they were like when they were younger, it helps me see past their shield. i think their inner kid is their true self anyways. that's the part that opens up when you get past their "formal" side.

essendoubleop · 2011-07-10T05:28:58+00:00

Interesting, very positive. It follows a philosophy I used to have for myself years ago when I would tell everyone that it was good to feel anxious and nervous about something because it means you actually care about it. This is even more important since will and drive can sometimes be more important than natural ability or being in the right setting (sometimes, not always). I certainly reframe it now: to me, it's akin to seeing someone and your heart becoming "all aflutter." Same feelings, different contextualization.

Lightfiend · 2011-07-10T08:35:52+00:00

As much as these reframes are great, I see them as supplementary to overcoming approach anxiety. They are great, but rarely enough to really motivate people with severe approach anxiety.

Integrating them is key, and you can't integrate these ideas without approaching. Key is to put social pressure on yourself as sort of a counterweight. I've taught a bunch of guys in field, and coached a number of guys through their first approaches. They could read these mindsets all day, but would still freeze up.

Have someone there who has agreed to make you approach (so you can't pussy out). Best thing to do is start by being social, talk to everyone you can (bartender, door man, etc). Then you ask a girl where the bathroom is, then ask another what time the bar closes, then use an opinion opener on the next... keep up the momentum. After 3 cold approaches the anxiety usually starts to subside (but comes back if you don't approach for a while).

These mindsets are great to supplement, but often not enough for someone to break through crippling approach anxiety.

Title	Interesting article on approach anxiety (X-post from r/psychology)
Author	discharge
Upvotes	33
Comments	5
Date	July 10, 2011 12:20 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/il90z/interesting_article_on_approach_anxiety_xpost/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/interesting-article-on-approach-anxiety-x-post.1294082 https://theredarchive.com/post/1294082

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