I Can't Confidence.

Live-LoveMatt · 2014-08-31T00:43:35+00:00

From the information I could pick out of this post I think you're having two problems (which I also used to have):

1) Connection. When you get these numbers, are you building an emotional connection with them BEFORE you close? It's MUCH more effective to connect with her emotionally BEFORE you get the number. A genuine legit connection on some level is very powerful and actually pretty easy to do.

Challenge yourself like this: in the next interaction, in 10 minutes, cut through the bullshit small talk and try to engage her in topics about her personality and her character. Ask her what the craziest thing she's ever done is, figure out what shes like by telling her stories and asking if she can relate to certain motivations (adventurousness, dedication, etc)

There's a really useful guide to doing this on my website: http://live-love.co.uk/2014/02/emotional-currency-the-fundamental-of-genuine-connection/

IN addition to that, get the number for a REASON, tell her you'dl ike to date her, this projects intent and makes things clear. If she's connected with you, and she's giving you her number because you've specifically asked to take her out, she'll be fr less likely to flake. She know's what she's getting herself into. Just getting the number and dashing can leave a lot of ambiguity ad cause girls to flake once they figure out your intention. So get that out the way first

Once I started doing this, my flake rate plummeted to near zero.

2) Projection. I mean this in the psychological way. It sounds like you might be occasionally giving off signals that you're unconfident or unsure without even knowing that you're doing it. For example:

I told her I'd talk to her sometime sooner to the date to make sure plans haven't changed.

Why even suggest this to her? Acting like this just projects to her that people often flake on you and that you're unconfident that she'll actually meet you so you need to check up on her.

It might seems like a harmless thing on the surface, but the underlying implication is that you need to check up on things to make sure they're going your way. (I.E You're outcome dependant) A guy with confidence just thinks "Why would she change her mind? If she's arranged to meet me, she'll meet me, because I'm awesome". He doesn't need to check, he just assumes the best until proven otherwise.

In this case, fake it until you make it. Keep texts simple, arrange to meet, if she agrees, assume the best and resist the urge to constantly check up on her.

Messaging is a limited and random form of communication, and everyone has their own habits. Telling the difference between a girl that likes you but isn't big on messaging vs a girl that doesn’t like you can be an almost impossible task. The only real way to know if a girl is interested is if the proof is in the pudding, and she comes out on a date with you. This is why we focus on building connection first and then using messages simply as a tool to meet again – because we don’t know how chatty she’ll be on messages, and we don’t know how busy of a person she is.

So keep it simple and to the point. Text within the first 24 hours simply explaining it was nice to meet her, and make a small reference to your earlier conversation. If she replies quickly with a little bit of chat, get a small back and forth going over a couple of texts, and then remind her of your date idea and give her a solid plan. If she takes a while to reply and doesn’t seem fully focused on the message, just focus on asking her out ASAP.

Use clear language when asking her out, forcing her to address it directly or ignore it. You can also try offering a couple of days at once and getting her to choose. If she declines both and doesn’t offer a third, she’s probably not too hot on meeting, so let it drop.

I don't mean to make assumptions (please correct me if I'm wrong), but since you mentioned you're a magician, performance is probably in your blood, right? I had a client that was similar, a stand up comic. He did great in attraction and getting numbers, but they'd all flake because he was unable to generate a connection with the women he was closing. He was in performance mode the whole time and the girls were attracted to him, but not connected enough to invest in a date. I think the connection route will really help.

Matt

insertnamehere24 · 2014-08-30T20:59:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SamGill · 2014-08-31T05:45:29+00:00

I never let that be known. The girl who flaked told me two days ago that I seemed like such a happy person and she needed that in her life.

girls say all sorts of crazy things i wouldn't get too caught up with what they say.

Title	I Can't Confidence.
Author	magicrawb
Upvotes	13
Comments	4
Date	August 30, 2014 7:44 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2f112n/i_cant_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-cant-confidence.1296828 https://theredarchive.com/post/1296828

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