My fraternity had a three day event this weekend where we have teams of sororities compete against each other. I was the coach of a team and I had ten girls on my team. I met all of them Monday and one of them, we'll call her Katie [8], volunteered to be the girl that is in the pageant on Thursday. We text back and forth about what her talent will be, just basic stuff (wasn't really interested in game at this point, I was super focused on having my girls win the competition). First event of the night, she places second and she wants to take a picture with me. She puts it up on Facebook with the caption "Runner up in (event competition) thanks to my awesome coach! (rose emoji)". We both looked good in the picture, it got a ton of likes.

Next day I see her a few times throughout the day on campus, make it a point to go and talk to her because I see her laying down on the go and talk to her and her friends. Alright interaction, I was confident and was fine that it didn't really escalate anything.

Then Saturday we have the last event and it's outside. Beautiful weather. My girls on my team are all having fun, we've gotten pretty close over the last couple days. There were a ton of water balloons for the event that day and when I'm not looking Katie and a few of the other girls run up to me and soak me with water balloons. Later on I get them back and I hit Katie right in the back, she does one of those half laugh half scream girls do when you get them with cold water on a hot day and she smiles and yells "fuck you" very teasingly. We part ways and text her and say that we should set something up so our fraternity can drink with their sorority. She says "yess deff".

We text twice more and we set up the details. I wanted to day drink before the party started so I just called her asked her what she was doing and we should head over then and chill until tonight. She agrees and I get to her dorm half an hour later. She comes out with her two guy friends from home. I met them that morning before the event and I figured they had left and it was gonna be us two. They were decently nice kids, they were just shit heads. Barely graduated high school, working a full time job. The kind of kids that never go to college but bum off their friends so they can come and get fucked up and clearly don't have too much of a future. Although I could tell they weren't kids I normally would pick to first hang with I spent some time getting to know them and the conversation ended up being mostly myself and her two friends talking and going back and forth. Katie was kind of off to the side with her sunglasses on not saying much. I didn't let it bother me at all because I was pretty into the conversation these kids were having with me.

We get to my buddies house and we play some drinking games At this point she's literally the only girl at the house and some of my brothers and also her friends are fighting for her attention. I keep my cool and just play the games and give her a smile every so often. After an hour the games calm down, people are relaxing. She hasn't said much the whole time (she did tell me she was exhausted cause she smoked a lot today and was burnt out). We converse a little, I make her laugh some but I don't see any real progress. She says they need to go back and get ready for tonight and leave. I don't expect them to necessarily come back but I didn't care either way I knew I would have fun that night regardless.

Later that night she does end up coming back with her friends. She still is pretty quiet when I'm talking to her and even around her friends. I ditch the conversation because it was boring and I go in the other room and dance. I go back in a little later and she hasn't really moved. Her eyes look like she's either drunk/high or was crying or something so I say "wow you look miserable, what's going on?" she laughs and says "nothing! why is everyone saying that i'm not crying!" she seemed genuine. Still boring, I go downstairs to play flip cup. She comes down a few minutes later and just stands with her arms crossed watching. My match up on the other team leaves and I take her arm and guide her and tell her I need a partner and we're playing. The game gets pretty intense, I was absolutely annihilating it every time it got to me and I would tease if I finished faster than she did. I got her laughing a few times and she gave me a big grin and another "fuck you". I ended up getting distracted because I was pretty drunk (although I'm told I'm very good at keeping my composure even when I'm pretty intoxicated) and I end up going upstairs. After 15-20 minutes I get the urge to go talk to her and it seems she'd left. I wasn't too upset, I ended up having a blast and staying at another girls place and kiss closing her, but I think the fact that this girl was so mysterious kept me pretty attracted. I find myself way more attracted to girls that I know I haven't won over yet.

I text her today and say "you make it back alive? I know you had to drive home and I didn't see you leave" she responds an hour later with "yes i did! lol". I realize at this point I should have asked something open ended. I ended up not saying anything at all. I might see her again tomorrow at her sororities philanthropy event and figure I will want to talk to her.

I guess my questions are:

  1. I feel like I was somewhat more attractive when I was their coach (a sort of power differential probably plays an effect here, since her status as a team member is of less power than a coach), and I was so focused on having my team win that I didn't even really focus on attracting these girls. It seemed to end up with decent results. Is this more of what people mean by an alpha mindset? I was more attractive because I was driven to the goal of winning instead of making her the priority?

  2. I just decided to not text back because honestly I didn't think there's really a good response to what she said. I feel like I would have come off as needy no matter what, which makes me feel like I've already lost. If I see her at her philanthropy event tomorrow I'm not sure how I will continue this. It's just such a weird dynamic because idk where her head is at.

  3. I feel that when I'm doing my own thing at a party and just having a good time that a lot of people feed off my energy which is awesome. I definitely get people pretty pumped up but because I get so caught up in the music and when I dance I can get most of the room dancing too. Some of the guys call me happy feet because it's like an itch I can't scratch haha. Idk if dancing like this benefits me or hurts me. I'll talk to girls and just have a fuckin blast dancing at the same time and when the music builds and drops I go pretty hard. It's one of the things I just give zero fucks about because I love it. I can get the girls to get up and dance hard with me and they giggle and clearly enjoy themselves but idk if this is beneficial. This was really redundant haha sorry about that. Advice?

TL;DR Met a girl thru being her coach at my fraternities event. We hung out at my friends party and we flirted but she doesn't seem super responsive (she didn't seem responsive to a lot of people that night, even her friends). Not really sure how to advance with it.