The base of seduction: motivation or discipline?

IpickupGrandmothers · 2015-12-05T16:32:32+00:00

Why not both?

fuckingownit · 2015-12-05T19:17:09+00:00

I've been focusing on both quite a bit recently. The way I see it, motivation will get you to want to improve, and discipline is meant to ensure that you don't just ride the 'motivation high' for a short period then go back to your normal routine.

Specific examples:

Motivation: When I went out for the first time in awhile a couple of weeks ago (and my 4th time overall), I'd been working the entire week before to psych myself up and get in the mindset of confidence/etc. for picking up girls. But I started to choke when I went out. I dropped into my comfort zone and started thinking "Oh, I don't really feel like going all out and picking up girls tonight. I'll observe everything around me tonight and start interacting with them in the future." This is so easy for me to fall into, and its dangerous because you feel like you're just doing what you want. But it's not what I wanted. I wanted to improve myself socially, have new experiences, get outside of my comfort zone. I knew this, so to motivate myself I started to do anything that I thought might help: I pictured myself going up and talking to girls, I told myself "If I don't start doing this tonight, I'm never going to do it", tried to stir up an 'existential qualm' in myself by thinking about how short life is and how shitty it feels to be depressed (which is caused my far more factors than just not picking up girls, of course, but I also knew how much more enjoyable my life could be if I were socially adept), and so many other things that made me want to start talking to girls that night; hell, I made myself feel like I needed to. It was still hard, but I was basically yelling at myself in my head until I started to make it happen. "Do it, do it, do it, DO IT."

At the end of that night, I felt great. One of the few girls I'd approached, who I thought was the most attractive girl I talked to that night, showed a ton of interest in me despite our very short interaction (I think strong eye contact/overall confidence was the key here). Her friend wanted to leave and started dragging her out of the club. I'd seen the signs of interest, yet I didn't get her number before she left. I stood there for a second, and knew I had to motivate myself. I thought, "She's interested. Follow her. Get her number." I almost got stuck in my head, but I didn't. I caught her before they left, told her to give me her phone, and she said "I'm actually really glad you followed me" and gave me her number. That boosted my self-esteem immensely, and I felt fantastic for the rest of the night.

At the beginning of the night, I felt hopeless. It seemed like I'd always be too scared too approach, that I "just wasn't the right type of guy", etc. Then, at the end of the night, my entire view had change. And far and away the most important belief that I developed as a result of that transition was that I can actually do this. I could change myself, my behavior, the way others see me. And all I needed was to make it happen.

Discipline: 'Making it happen', though, isn't just psyching yourself up in a night and feeling good for a few hours. There is much more work to be done, and that work requires discipline. Despite how great I felt that night, coming out of it I knew that I couldn't let myself get lazy as a result. It's easy to be distracted by good feelings, because the bad ones are what made you want to change yourself in the first place. So, to avoid losing the progress I'd made, I did a few things. For one, I told myself that I couldn't let the girl I'd gotten the number of distract me from my goals. She was attractive and seemed cool, and I wanted to talk to her again, but in order to improve in the ways I wanted to (and still want to), I'd need a lot more experience than just her. I resolved to go out at least one more night before seeing her again and talk to other girls, so that I'd avoid getting too focused on a single girl. I also knew that I'd have to go out the very next weekend to keep working on what I'd started and not lose it by waiting too long (I would have gone out sooner, but I'm in college/applying for graduate school and have very little free time. But I make time for this, because I'll never do it otherwise.). I started to heavily develop myself socially on an everyday basis (not just in the context of pickup): I've been practicing eye contact, vocal tonality (including recording my voice and listening back), doing affirmations (which I'd initially read about years ago in The Dilbert Future by Scott Adams), worked on not getting stuck inside of my head by thinking too much (one of my current affirmations is actually "I am outwardly focused; I do not get stuck inside of my head."), I made myself continue watching RSD videos, and I basically just started changing the way I view and approach social situations.

I think that all of these practices, and more, will help me become a 'natural'. However, these also require discipline. I can't have an existential crisis every single day to get myself motivated enough to record and develop my voice, or work on eye contact with everything I have a conversation with. Instead, I have to have the discipline to improve myself on a daily basis, even when I don't feel like it. One thought that I've been trying to pound into my head that I think is relevant here is: "My inclinations are nothing; my choices are everything.", meaning that no matter what I feel like doing, my life and behavior will ultimately be decided by the choices I make.

The distinction between motivation and discipline may be blurry, but I don't think that matters. I think the more important takeaway is this: No matter how you feel at any given moment, you must make the choice to improve yourself if you want to succeed.

Title	The base of seduction: motivation or discipline?
Author	MindFruitNinja
Upvotes	1
Comments	2
Date	December 5, 2015 2:56 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3vjmt2/the_base_of_seduction_motivation_or_discipline/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-base-of-seduction-motivation-or-discipline.1299132 https://theredarchive.com/post/1299132

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