Being ourselves vs. keeping successfull?

recyclablebantha · 2015-11-19T00:28:50+00:00

A lot of guides that talks about lifestyle aspects always suggest in a form to change, often implying drastical changes.

Not always. The overall theme is that many guys are here because they aren't getting the success they want in their dating lives. Sometimes this takes big changes. Sometimes all it takes is a tweak here or there.

Not everyone starts from the same place.

Of course, I'm aware that if you want to be the No.1., you must have a lifestyle that is within certain conditons,

You seem to be talking about the guys who specifically want to have a rock star life style and bang all the hot chicks, etc. This assumes that everyone has the same dating goal. Obviously, everyone does NOT.

You ought to drop this idea that all the advice here is from ONE truth. This is false. :P When you read something here, just think about what their stated dating goal is (or implied goal). If that matches yours, then the advice is for you. If not, then the advice is possibly fine, but not for you. That's okay.

If you aren't out to have a bunch of sex with girls from a club, then a club guide isn't for you. If you aren't out to have a bunch of disposable interactions with a bunch of girls, then don't take advice from the old school Mystery philosophy of being mysterious and unattainable.

but I think I'm not alone (but fix me if I'm wrong) to say that it's definitely not my aim - I just want a relationship with someone who reasonably fits to me. Yeah, laying some "unreasonably" gorgeous chicks is also a great aim and I can understand that a huge portion of you is here for tips for that.

So you already know what I'm talking about above. :) Of course you're not alone. But even if you were alone, what difference would that make? As the other guy in the thread already said, own that shit.

Anyways, it seems that some aspects of my life don't support (and in some cases, they may even pull back) my chances, but some of them are things I don't really want to change. These are related to my taste - I'm quite vague if it comes to what I listen/watch/read/enjoy, but the very things I'm passionately interested in are things in which girls (at least most of who I come across in real life) rarely are, or aren't at all. I'm quite sure you can find out some of these things.

Firstly, if there is anything that you are focusing on so much that it doesn't leave you time to take care of your life or your body, then you should adjust that. Having said that.......

Secondly, there's no need to be vague. Don't be vague with us. We won't (or shouldn't!) judge you. If you can't own up to your tastes, it comes off like you're ashamed of them. And. you. should. not. be. Like I said earlier, OWN THAT SHIT. If you like Pokemon, LIKE the shit out of it and who gives two f--ks if anyone else understands? Your tastes are for YOU. And if there's one thing that does crossover into any of the advice here, it's that you should be confident about who you are.

It's not required for other people to like your tastes. You don't like things to make others happy. You shouldn't have to change your tastes. And you definitely shouldn't be hiding your passions.

Out of curiosity, what are your tastes? Just list them off.

V4refugee · 2015-11-19T00:37:29+00:00

If you are genuine and passionate you will attract like minded individuals. If you are shallow and you fake it, you will still attract girls but you will have to keep up a facade that only a crazy girl with low self esteem will tolerate.

JessePinkman88 · 2015-11-19T10:24:54+00:00

I struggle with this too.

The conclusion I've come to is it's not about what makes up your lifestyle, but rather the fact that you are taking action to build the lifestyle that you want (and not what others want for you).

You are right, you should not compromise on what you like to spend your time doing to appease women or to try meeting more of them.

I like gardening and there's been limited opportunities to meet women in my backyard ;)

As long as you are reaching towards the lifestyle you want and feeling good about it, you are building self esteem. When you express your passions in your life to a woman she will be attracted to the passion, not the activity itself.

So go build the life of YOUR dreams and share your enthusiasm for that with those around you.

As for meeting more women, once your feeling more confident about being in control of your lifestyle, you may need to go to more social events to meet them.

MassiveResponse · 2015-11-19T00:02:01+00:00

One of the things required to be attractive is that you must have a fun, outgoing, lifestyle. That does not mean be outside all the time having fun.

I play video games, I'm a Trekkie, with models and a few framed posters in my apartment of spaceships. But I also go outside and do things for fun there.

You have to own the parts of your personality that you like that have to do with hobbies that are socially acceptable to the group of women you're trying to attract, and even when they aren't, you can still own it, and get away with it.

Being who you are in terms of your hobbies, and portraying yourself confidently, and un-apologetically, is attractive.

Having said that, it is always easier to connect with people the more you have in common with them, so you might want to look into what most people around you do, check it out, and see if you can get into it. You can still be who you are and what you like, except now you have another hobby and another point in common with people around you.

thaway314156 · 2015-11-19T14:54:04+00:00

It seems a lot of PUA success stories happen by them seducing hot girls, until one day they meet the one: the one they desire physically as well as intellectually. I guess you have to tough it out with all the shallow girls until you find that one. Yeah, such a struggle, banging all those hot chicks, eh? (I wish my game is that far, but just talking about it won't get me anywhere.)

To be honest, I feel like going out clubbing and being rejected is so tiring (I guess I have learned helplessness, I need to find learned optimism), and it's not me, so I just stay home and be depressed...

Title	Being ourselves vs. keeping successfull?
Author	MindFruitNinja
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	November 18, 2015 10:39 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3tcsgq/being_ourselves_vs_keeping_successfull/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/being-ourselves-vs-keeping-successfull.1397831 https://theredarchive.com/post/1397831

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