Lost all confidence after 3 year relationship - Advice?

puaCurveBall · 2012-04-03T18:18:20+00:00

fatless · 2012-04-03T18:57:24+00:00

Been there. It will pass. Get your shit together first, and the game comes second. Hit the gym (with a plan: /r/fitness). Delete her from facebook. Remove all traces of her from your life. Go outside. Read interesting books. Watch movies. Make some new friends. When you're happy again with yourself (and not just when you're with women), you can get back to working on your game.

legowatch · 2012-04-03T19:03:26+00:00

I can relate, I was in a similar place. I recently got out of a 7 year LTR. Felt like I was socially inept, introverted, lost my personality etc. Things ended fully about 6 weeks ago. I decided to skip the moping/grieving part and jump straight into reinventing myself.

One month later and I feel like I am way more socially intelligent, extroverted (I actually energized by being with people!) and I have rediscovered who I am.

The way I did it:

1) Read a handful of resources of seduction and pickup 2) Threw myself out there. Started with low goals so success was easy. 3) Learned, reviewed, adapted, and got back out there.

The only way you will regain confidence is from successes. Don't set your goals too high at first. Just get out and interact with people, and provide value. When they reciprocate it makes you feel like a million dollars, and it will snowball from there.

legedu · 2012-04-03T20:09:49+00:00

Hey man, I've been in your situation a couple times, so I hope this helps.

I've had a few longer relationships (I'm 27 now, and recently out of one) and usually end up less confident at the end of them (I'll even share this embarrassing tidbit, sometimes I lacked so much confidence I couldn't "perform" when I did manage to get a girl in bed).

Getting your confidence back is all about self improvement. Do things that YOU are proud of, not anyone else. Things that are challenging, will occupy your interests, and most importantly healthy. I used to be a gym rat in high school and the beginning of college. I stopped working out, but my mid-twenties were good to me and I still looked in really good shape. Then 26 hit and my weight ballooned. I was up to 260 lbs (I'm 6'1"), lost my job, girlfriend dumped me, family was hard on me... pretty much worst point in my life.

I took on the chin. I started working out. Everyday. Not super intense, just something to build on. I reached out to people, found a new job (I looked for something that had a group interview setting because I knew I could dominate it), surrounded myself with only positive things. And most importantly, got back to being me, NOT THE PERSON I WAS IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

Just a few months later I have dropped 40 lbs (and that's WITH a ton of muscle growth), have a good job, am proud of myself and thus have my confidence back. I'm not a great looking guy, but I'll tell you that women are definitely not a problem for me anymore.

Obviously, physical fitness was the catalyst for me. But whatever you're good at and is healthy, do it and get the ball rolling on your improvement.

Sorry if that was rambling, but I know too well how you feel. You'll be fine!

TL;DR: Improve yourself and the confidence will come.

HolePunch66 · 2012-04-04T18:38:19+00:00

Shit, what I would give to be 23 again, and know what I do now. I would grab life by the balls and live the dream. A good looking, confident, funny guy in his 20s could bang chicks until his wiener fell off.

Just follow the advice given here you will soon understand the possibilities.

rockit2 · 2012-04-05T01:38:40+00:00

Did you consider your ex to be a quality woman? She wouldn't have dated you for 3 years if you weren't up to that caliber. THUS you should be able to have a similar effect on other high quality women.

Title	Lost all confidence after 3 year relationship - Advice?
Author	Tcbf88
Upvotes	4
Comments	10
Date	April 3, 2012 6:11 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rri5d/lost_all_confidence_after_3_year_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lost-all-confidence-after-3-year-relationship.1301040 https://theredarchive.com/post/1301040

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