I went on a date last night which seemed to go quite well for the most part. We were vibing with each other and getting along, and she seemed to obviously be enjoying herself. I was in my fun, self-amused state which I seem to do best in, and she reacted positively. I was doing light/moderate kino throughout the evening such as having my hand on her ass with my thumb in her pants as we walked about, which she seemed to have no problem with.

I've found a pattern that generally works rather well for first dates in my current town, and this seemed to have been no exception.

  • We meet up at a local coffee shop to talk for a bit, set the tone for the evening, and for me to decide whether I like her enough to continue the date.

  • Then I suggest we go for a walk, at which point I lead her to a large building in the area with a large set of steps in the front, where we climb the steps and sit at the top for a bit (it's somewhat scenic).

  • Then I suggest that we go pick up some food to cook at my place, at which point she rides with me to the store and to my place. Then we cook something together, after which point I continue to escalate further.

Everything was going quite well up to this point, and I was getting very good vibes. Then as I went to fondle and kiss her, she stopped me, saying that she didn't want to do anything sexual, and she just wanted to cuddle. So I went hot/cold for a bit and kept trying to escalate, and she kept pushing me away, saying things like "I'm still mourning my ex", "I want to get to know you better", etc.

As I went to drop her back off, she said that she had a good time and wanted to "hang out" again before she left town (she's moving away at the end of next week).

A few extra thoughts:

  • On a previous occasion, I had overheard her making an offhand comment about recent sex with some other dude, which makes me think that "mourning my ex" is probably total bullshit.

  • Maybe she legitimately was just upset about this other dude? She had previously mentioned related drama and gone on a long tirade about it before I changed the subject.

  • Maybe by opening the car door for her and by buying stuff for dinner (even though we both cooked), I put myself in the 'friendzone' boat or the 'wait for sex boyfriend material' boat, rather than 'fuck this guy tonight' boat?

  • Maybe I wasn't escalating aggressively enough for long enough? I was touching her from the beginning of the evening, but I did wait until the end to try to kiss her.

  • This was technically on Valentine's day, although this was at her suggestion of availability, and we both commented that we don't celebrate Valentine's day because it's bullshit. Still, that could have had some effect on her mindset in one way or another.

So basically to me it sounds like lots of mixed signals, with at least some bullshit included. I'm trying to figure out what it means, what I did wrong (if anything), and whether it would be a waste of my time to invite her on a second date.

Update:

After I texted her suggesting that we go out next week, she replied with a long-ish message which I'll sum up as "I'm all for hanging out, but I want to clarify that I don't want anything physical. I'm trying to be platonic in my life right now".

I was hoping to learn something from this as a whole, because it seemed to be going so well. At the end, I think that the only takeaway that I can make is that either:

  • It's not about me at all, and I'm just overanalyzing this.

  • I fucked up somewhere along the way, but there's really no way of figuring out how.

Either way, it's no big deal. Life goes on.