Is there any hope to preserve a relationship where I've acted "beta"?

WayOfTheGentleman · 2015-10-14T08:48:21+00:00

Forget about narrow definitions of what 'alpha' and 'beta' are.

This is about self-respect.

As a man, you need to know what you stand for and what your boundaries are. You need to know what you will tolerate and what you won't tolerate.

I bet there's been tons of times when she's done things that step over your boundaries, but you never called her on it because you were scared of losing her.

Most times when a girl behaves badly, she knows it. Every time you fail to stand up for your boundaries, you lose a little self-respect and she loses a little respect for you. Over time these hits to your self-respect really add up.

The one thing girls want in a man is to feel safe and protected. I always say it's that feeling where you're out in a restaurant and a crazy axeman storms in. She still feels like she's safe because you'll find some way to make it ok.

She wants to know that she is safe and you are protected her from the world. If you don't stand up to her, how will you stand up to the world and keep her protected.

From now on, resolve to take no more bullshit. Call her out on EVERYTHING that steps over your boundaries. If you lose her as a result, so be it.

Your self-respect is like a precious piece of fine china. Treat it like one.

qjacq · 2015-10-14T07:45:51+00:00

 I feel like the answer to your question is more of a paradox. You've acted beta your entire relationship. I think the spirit of what your asking is to generally be more alpha, however the only way you can truly achieve a more desirable status to attract your girlfriend is to destroy the part of you that projects neediness. The part of you that places her on an entitled pedestal and valuing her far above yourself. To summarize, to truly preserve this relationship, you would have to remove the desire to preserve it at all. To prove your own independence and self value. Further more to project your confidence and self esteem.

TheXXL · 2015-10-14T08:52:50+00:00

No sex or sexual contact in like 3 months. Doesn't want to move in despite the significant economic ease that it would provide. All of our break ups in the past have been initiated by her. She knows that I will never give up on her. She knows I would never cheat on her.

Inb4 "leave her and find someone else after you've alpha'd up": This is the only relationship I've ever believed in putting work into. All other women before her and when separated from her are just for the chase and novelty

Why do you feel it's worth putting in more work? It doesn't look like it does any difference. To me it looks like one or even all of the following reasons : you have strong oneitis, you have no confidence, you are scared of being alone, you simply are unable to give up.

The problem is that you have to under that some things just don't work. Sometimes it's better to end something that doesn't work, but this requires strength, which you probably don't have. Maybe I'm wrong, and you just don't know when it's time to move on, maybe you even enjoy the status quo, who knows. But anyways, let me tell you a few reaszwhy it would be better to end it: no sex, she obviously has different goals in life than yourself, you come to the Internet in a desperate attempt to make something work that clearly will not work, she is not putting nearly as much work into your relationship as you are, she broke up with you numerous times... I mean, are you blind? You can't change it anymore, you both have a strong unbalance in your ability/willingness to make it work. So long story short, ditch her. Find someone who wants the same as you.

Title	Is there any hope to preserve a relationship where I've acted "beta"?
Author	goddanbriggs
Upvotes	1
Comments	3
Date	October 14, 2015 7:14 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3op0fm/is_there_any_hope_to_preserve_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-there-any-hope-to-preserve-a-relationship-where.1308423 https://theredarchive.com/post/1308423

Comments