Feeling like I'm in a rut, out of place, and lost. Looking for some advice or, at least, some words of encouragement to get back out.

2013-01-21T21:35:43+00:00

As I said, I don't live in an area with many people my age so I don't usually run into an opportunity to strike up a conversation.

Talk to everyone. Your problem isn't specifically that you have a hard time talking to women, it's a problem with talking to people in general. The only way that's going to change is to actually work at getting outside of your own head and start learning to interact with people comfortably. Bullshit with cashiers. Talk sports with bartenders. Flirt with waitresses. Social ability is a muscle, it's going to be sore at first but give it some training and before you know it it's going to come naturally.

2013-01-22T04:01:12+00:00

I read this and it seems to me your problem is more lifestyle related than Game related. Hell, I'd feel the same way if I lived at home in a suburban area without any friends around!

Consider this: Your environment is going to shape your behavior. So you need to proactively shape your environment.

You are happy to have a "great job" out of college, but consider what it is costing you. Your living situation sounds like it is sucking the life out of you. The simple act of going to a bar or finding kids your own age to spend time with is a huge hassle. Maybe its time for a change.

What could you do to make going out have less friction? You have many options: move into the downtown area, transfer offices, quit your job and find another, etc.

This might seem extreme. It might seem like undoable from a financial/career perspective. A few questions to ask yourself:

When I am lying on my deathbed, am I going to regret the time I took a financial risk at age 23? Or spending my early twenties unhappy because it was safer?
What is the worst that could happen if I [quit my job, got my own apartment, etc]? How likely is that to happen? What could I do to mitigate the damage?
What is MOST IMPORTANT to me? My career, my personal growth, my relationships? Am I living in a way that is congruent with the answer I tell myself?

I went through the same exercise last year. At the time I was living in a city without my best friends and thought I was incapable of leaving because I was buried in student loans. The next day, I walked into my boss's office and told him I was leaving to move to NYC where all my friends were. A year later, I can say it was the best decision I have ever made, and one that has transformed me into the kind of person I wanted to be.

I don't know your personal details, so obviously YMMV. Think on it

BeatBoxing_Abe · 2013-01-21T21:44:55+00:00

You said you get anxious at the idea of going to a club or bar. Totally understandable. Something you could try though. Give yourself SUPER low expectations. Alright, Its Friday and I'm going to go out to X bar or X club. I will buy myself one beer, drink it, stay for half an hour and leave.

That's it, you can pull that off right? Then after a few times, OK this time I will stay for forty five minutes and talk to one person, guy or a girl. Now an hour and two people. You don't have to dive right into approaching girls like crazy right off the bat, ease into it.

The single MOST important thing though is that you stick with it. Make it a habit. Plan this out for the long term. Even if you only slowly become more social in the night club setting, think about where you will be after a year. You'll be comfortable in the club and cool with talking to people there. Your going to be a year older REGARDLESS..

TL;DR - Start easy, low expectations, work your way into it

zeerzoor · 2013-01-22T04:15:21+00:00

We will always have a voice in our heads that will keep us from doing things that are scary. but there is another voice that is softer that we can build up that fights against the negative. Don't be so hard on yourself and love yourself. You have already achived a ton of work on yourself and that is amazing. Plus you are in a new area. It takes time to build friends and community. Find the things that interest you and get out to those places. Keep making positive choices and like others have said get out there and interact! You will find success just as you have done so with the other aspects of your life! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

jewiger · 2013-01-22T02:40:45+00:00

Move out. Develop a life for yourself. Changing your situation will always have an effect on your self - either positively or negatively. The important thing is to put things in perspective. Realize you are only living with your parents temporarily and your social situation will change. Don't worry this happens to everyone now and again. Game and confidence will ebb and flow throughout your life no matter how good you are at pickup.

Title	Feeling like I'm in a rut, out of place, and lost. Looking for some advice or, at least, some words of encouragement to get back out.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	5
Date	January 21, 2013 8:35 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/170c9p/feeling_like_im_in_a_rut_out_of_place_and_lost/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/feeling-like-im-in-a-rut-out-of-place-and-lost.1309054 https://theredarchive.com/post/1309054

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