I was once a very unimpressive individual. I wasn’t ugly, or strange, or revolting. I was just...nobody. I grew up self-taught, raised in the home of two abusive religious extremists, and subsequently had dramatically poor self-esteem.

Since I began reading Red Pill literature, I’ve embarked on a journey of self-actualization, trying to worry less about what I can prove to others and focus on what I can prove to myself. The question I ask myself daily is, “can become someone that I am proud of?”

As a college freshman, I’ve gotten a job as a lab assistant for a girl dominated program at my college. I study automotive and have some pretty awesome male friends over there as well. Lots of great masculine energy, getting your hands dirty working on shit, and just overall having a good time. To make money on the side, I’ve been writing eBooks and publishing them on Amazon, with intent to scale it into a full blown business.

Additionally, I’m a singer/songwriter and have taken up multiple instruments. I’ve developed my sense of style into a sort of badboy/rocker/roadie type to match the kind of music I make. I’ve started grooming better, taking care of my hair and skin, and working out. I’m six feet with a high metabolism, so I’m nothing near buff, but I’ve managed to achieve that really cut, lean type of look, and I’m fine with that.

Recently I realized with a shock, that I’m actually a decent amount of what people consider “popular.” Judging by the way I’m treated.

I understand that I am in fact becoming someone I can be proud of. I look back with pride at how far I’ve come. But that fight with insecurity still remains. My biggest problem is that when I walk through to college, I see people looking at me, and I can’t help but feel its judgement and derision instead of something positive like admiration. I’ll admit I like attention, I was kinda starved off it growing up, but only when I know it’s positive attention. I walk past groups of talking people who all turn to look at me, and my paranoia tells me they are mocking me.

Has anyone noticed themselves being stared at? Did you ever get used to it? Any tips to help me overcome this mental battle?