I went sarging today. Nothing interesting happened, except for the fact that I accidentally engaged in a very interesting conversation with a 25 y-old psychologist, whom I ended up FB-closing, but only out of genuine non-sexual interest in her personality.

She ended up explaining to me in greater detail how I came across, and this was interesting.

What she told me was, that I am, after all, a character. I just am. The way I dress (well), the way I express myself (using gestures) and the way I talk (not the vocal projection itself, but the choice of words) are all quite rare. She told me that this wasn't bad, and I confirmed it; these are all traits I've been working towards or learning to accept over the past months, anyway.

But then, what is off about me?

It comes down to this: how relaxed I am within this. She told me I appeared as if I'm trying too hard. Well, that hit close to home.

And, yes, this is all inner game. I've also noticed that my game's gone backwards because of this.

The fact is that I can tell myself I'm awesome all day, but once I get confronted with things that are beyond my control, I'll still falter, and come across as (as said) try-hard.

So what's my question?

How do I properly stop giving a single solitary fuck. How do I allow this awesome person that is within me to come out, regardless the situation? It seems so basic, yet after all the studying I've done, I don't know how to train myself to Always. Be. Confident.

I fucking hate asking this, seddit. But it has to be done.

Edit: We did make one decision tonight though- I'm gonna experiment with going direct. WAAHAAAY more.