Some background info on me: I'm a software engineer aspiring to become a software development manager. I work at a mid sized tech company and I joined as an intern (first job) nearly five years ago. The company is pretty laid back. I almost never work more than 40 hours a week and the company parties all the time (sometimes I wonder if we actually do work here). We shoot each other with nerf guns and and poke each other with plastic lightsabers (yes, we're that nerdy). I have decent relationships with the founder, CEO, CTO, a bunch of other execs, the managers/directors in my department, and most of the individual contributors in my department. We sometimes get physical while having fun. This information is relevant later on.

I've been given multiple projects to hone the skills necessary for becoming a manager. I'm not quite there yet but I'm close. Recently, I solicited feedback from most of the managers on how to improve. One of them gave me some shocking feedback and here's where it gets interesting.

While I was helping another team out with something I got in a female coworker's personal space. I didn't even notice I did this. She didn't point it out or show any signs of discomfort either otherwise I would have noticed. I did not do this to become sexual with her. Even before swallowing the red pill, I knew dating someone from work was a terrible idea. The important thing here is I wouldn't have noticed I was getting physical with my coworker if I didn't get this feedback.

I started thinking back and realized that I've initiated physical contact with male and female coworkers quite a few times. None of my female coworkers ever complained about it. A few male coworkers did though. Again, I was not using kino to become sexual with anyone. I started becoming more self aware of this. At the last company party, I put my hand on a woman's shoulder and left it there for the duration of the conversation. We were just reassuring each other on how we were going to hit a deadline. At the same party, I got physically close to a few other women. None of them seemed bothered, a few men noticed and said something along the lines of "woah, personal space man!"

So just today, I've realized I've been kino'ing many of my coworkers without even realizing I was doing it. I don't think using kino to get my coworkers to like me is a bad thing. A handshake is a form a kino everyone uses. For me, it starts with the handshake, then maybe hand on upper arm/shoulder and finally hugs. Bro hugs for the men and slightly more intimidate hugs for women. It usually doesn't go farther than that aside from the nerf guns and lightsabers.

So my first question: How far should I take physical contact with coworkers?

As someone who is aspiring to become a manager. I would never even consider dating a coworker that on my team because she might be my direct report one day. I actually draw the line even farther. I would never consider dating anyone in my department. At a previous party, about a month ago, I was chatting with an HB7 or 8 from another department and she randomly tells me she's going to give me a neck massage. I was a little surprised but I was a little drunk so I went "screw it, why not?" I took off my tie, threw it around her neck, pulled her in and enjoyed a random neck massage. Some coworkers were definitely watching but hopefully none of them remembered. I didn't escalate for obvious reasons and she walked away shortly after. If she weren't a coworker I would have started making out with her on the spot the moment that neck massage ended.

So second question: Should I plate a coworker if she is separated far enough from my professional duties?

Finally, I'll be deleting this after I get some feedback here. I don't want anyone from work stumbling across this.