How sticky are people's memories of the old you?

2012-02-25T05:07:52+00:00

1.) Don't be friends with people who don't highly value you. Regardless of your role in the friendship group, if they don't value your contribution to said group, find better friends. 2.) If this is only an issue when something dramatic occurs, then why does it need to be solved before that happens? Wait for the next instance of this and do your thing.

blinkyone · 2012-02-25T03:56:28+00:00

At one point, it's either you or them. If it's them, would you feel happy long term? Self-improvement revolves around building your own lifestyle. Submitting yourself to your friend's group think, is something that is holding you back. Otherwise, you wouldn't feel this way.

People feed on their accustomed ways, beliefs and especially egos.

2012-02-25T08:55:12+00:00

People have long memories, so sure they remember the old you.

However, social dynamics are always... always about the moment. People respond on instinct and immediately reaction. If you stand up for yourself, they may push back at first, but confronted with a person who is obviously not taking their shit, they have no choice but to treat you as someone who doesn't take their shit. The only way for them to continue their old behavior is if you're still responding with the same submissive cues, which admittedly can be hard to break.

We've all seen a situation where someone, usually an agitator is acting based on a assumed outcome, perhaps bullying. Then suddenly, "woh what the fuck this kid is standing up for himself, what do I do?". They don't continue their old behavior, they now have to reevaluate and assume new behavior in the moment.

So sure, they'll always have those memories of you, if they stop to think of it, but their behavior, their actions, they are based on who you are not who you were.

So basically, it doesn't matter, you're above worrying about their perception of you anyway.

1independentmale · 2012-02-25T17:42:15+00:00

You have to stop giving a fuck about what they think. The fact that you still care about how they view you shows that you still haven't changed completely.

I completely understand where you're coming from. Back when I first started PUA, I really wanted to show my high school friends how cool I've gotten. "OMG I know all this inner game theory and cocky/funny and push-pull, etc. etc. etc." But I was still coming from a position of lower value since I was still trying to proove myself.

It's also all in your head. It might be that you're the only one who doesn't feel "worthy", whereas your friends are neutral towards you.

courtceratops · 2012-02-25T01:27:36+00:00

If they aren't embracing the positive changes you're making to yourself/ your life, they probably aren't the most spectacular friends anyway. I used to be the same way (decided I was too aggressive and turned into a doormat in an attempt to resolve that situation, then found my happy medium). It's interesting to see who wants to stay in your life, who disappears from it only to return, and who can't take your self-assertion. You know who you can actually trust in after that.

Stythe · 2012-02-25T02:32:03+00:00

Changing with dynamics with friends requires genuine respect between the group, a lot of effort, and maybe even luck. Breaking out of a shell is hard.

The best advice is really to make more new friends, see your old ones less and, if you want to, eventually see them more as they've adjusted to who you are now.

Teddster · 2012-02-25T11:27:37+00:00

To this day i shall be known as the kid who shat himself during the third grade... that did not help my game

Title	How sticky are people's memories of the old you?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	18
Comments	10
Date	February 24, 2012 11:46 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q4rza/how_sticky_are_peoples_memories_of_the_old_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-sticky-are-peoples-memories-of-the-old-you.1328831 https://theredarchive.com/post/1328831

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