How to deal with talk of 'other guys' and how to ask her out...

kamatres · 2012-07-29T21:47:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Squally425 · 2012-07-29T22:21:42+00:00

Note: After writing this I realised the best advice I can give you is to move on, for now at least. Plenty of fish in the sea and what not, and you getting with other people will make getting with this girl a hell of a lot easier further down the line. That being said, I wrote a fucking essay and a half, so I may as well post it now, so here you go.

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Have you told her your romantically interested in her? Or at least made it completely, blatantly obvious? It sounds like you haven't, in which case that's the main reason you're in the friend zone in the first place. Change this next time you see her. Nobody ever got the girl by making her think you're not interested.

Do not talk about girls you like (especially if they don't exist, that's fucking weak), all that's going to happen is that if she does like you, she'll think you don't like her and will hide any feelings she does have for you, so that's just a nonono.

To 'redeem yourself', this is the one place where movies kind of get something right. Think of that nerdy girl in the rom com who at the end of the movie puts on a dress and heels, takes off her glasses and everyone's like 'OMG WAHT HAPPENED?!?!11?!'. That works in real life too, but not to the same extent. If you act 'alpha' (I hate that word, but I can't think of anything more accurate), she'll notice, and she'll think 'blargh is acting really different today, I like it'. She might say 'You're acting different today', in which case just tell her you're in a good mood. The only time she won't like it is if it seems forced. For example, timid to macho makes you look like a douche who's trying to act cool. Timid to self confident makes you look the way you want to be perceived, self confident. However, say you were a Handegg player and macho is actually part of your personality, then you should act macho. My point is, act like yourself around her, rather than the nervous version of yourself you have been and it'll change her perception of you quicker than you'd think.

You seem to be putting a lot of emphasis on being cocky and funny. If you sit there and try of think of funny things that you could say later, it's going to sound forced and come out shit. Stop it. Read this, it might help, but don't try and think of material before hand and don't worry too much about being cocky and funny. Also, I think cocky is a terrible word to use. When I describe someone as cocky it's because they're a dick. Cheeky is much better descriptor for what you should be aiming for. Remember she's friends with you. There's blatantly a reason she's friends with you, so it's not that you can't hold conversations, make her laugh or have a good time with her, it's just your mindset you need to change.

If you have a spare ticket to the concert, tell her you have a spare ticket to the concert and tell her you want her to come with you. Not 'do you want to come', say 'I've got a spare ticket, come with me'. Don't ask if she'd like to come, invite her to come. If you don't have a spare ticket, don't buy her one. It's weak, and even if she doesn't find out, pretending to be weak is just as bad as being weak, because it will show through in your behaviour. Don't pretend not to be weak, don't be weak. However, if they're still on sale, or you know someone who's selling one, tell her there's a ticket available and that she should get it and come with you. If she says she can't be bothered, tell her not to be so boring and it'll be good etc. Don't beg her though, you said how to do it without sounding desperate? You do it by not being desperate. Also, why do it by text? Ring her, ya big wuss.

Say she comes with you, go to the concert, have an awesome time, dance a little, kino a little, concerts are a good place to get up close and personal without it being weird and you'll be able to tell her feelings for you by how she reacts to you being so close. Position yourself behind her to make this much easier. If she's holding you close, you're onto a winner. Even if she holding you, that's fine. However, if she's actively putting space between you, even if it's only a little bit due to the confined space, then back off.

After the concert, do something different. Maybe a little wild (e.g. I was on holiday and I was with a girl I met at 5am, it was 10am at this point and we were walking around town where there is a dock, and I got her to jump on a random boat with me. She loved it, and when you think about it, who wouldn't? Imagine you're walking along with a girl and she's like 'Hey, lets jump on that boat'. You'd think she's cool and adventurous. Do something a bit different, but be careful not to go overboard (streaking is too far). Say you don't want to jump on a boat, do something you wouldn't normally do, like driving to another city and going on a night out. Tell her you're in the mood to do something different, and do it. Maybe ask her for ideas. But remember, don't do it for her, don't do it because you'll end up sharing a hotel room, do it cause it's fun as hell. Everything else is a happy side effect, and I'm not saying act that way, I'm saying feel that way. Most of the problems in pickup are from being false, whether it's intentional (acting 'cool') or unintentional (being nervous as balls).

Then just use all the usual stuff (if you haven't read Magic Bullets, I recommend it, DiCarlo escalation ladder for kino/escalation).

Finally, if it's clear she doesn't like you, stop caring. Don't feel like the world has fallen down upon your head if it turns out she doesn't like you like that. It hasn't, so stop being melodramatic. You know, outcome independence and all that crap.

Your post makes you come across like you're nervous just asking us about this, so I can't imagine how you've been acting with her, but the best part of it is, it will take 30 seconds of acting like a boss to change that. Clean it up. She's just a girl. She's a dude with breasts and a castration. She's had guys hit on her before, she'll have them hit on her after you. Right now you have a friend, she's not going to suddenly hate you because she found out you fancy her, at most she'll be flattered, but not offended. If she makes it clear/says she doesn't like you like that, don't be offended either. Be chill about it and carry on being friends.

tl;dr: Chill Winston!

This turned out to be an absolute essay...This is what happens when I'm stuck inside for a month -__-'

Title	How to deal with talk of 'other guys' and how to ask her out...
Author	blaaarghhh
Upvotes	6
Comments	8
Date	July 29, 2012 8:57 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xcui3/how_to_deal_with_talk_of_other_guys_and_how_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-deal-with-talk-of-other-guys-and-how-to-ask.1336393 https://theredarchive.com/post/1336393

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