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[–]bcktth 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I struggle with. Not just with strangers but with my friends too. I don't have the lifestyle I want to, I'm not exactly so happy with myself, I don't have many experiences and I don't understand the same humor that everyone else does
For starters, quit the mental masturbation of you, you, you.
Want to know something mind blowing? Wither you think you can or can't do something, you're going to convince yourself that you're right. Sure, we've all done that to ourselves but what seperates you from other people is that you see a sticking point and think "Damn, I don't have X, Y, and Z to get A, B, and C. FML!" while someone else may go "Damn, I don't have X, Y, and Z, better look into it and see how I can change that through doing this and that."
You have the answers available to you be it within yourself, the internet, or the community. But kicking and screaming why certain things haven't happened is toxic to the body and mind. Knock the negative attitude down and come in with a clear mind while being the present, thinking what you can do now as opposed to why you haven't done something before in the past or why you can't do something right in the near future.
Cheers!
[–]optional_orange 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a really good book to read that touches upon what you just talked about.
[–]Lead ModeratorThrowawayPUA 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To be interesting, be interested. Ask people about what they are interested, and they will be interested in talking to you. Listen to what they're saying, instead of thinking of what you're going to say next.
[–]thewtfzone 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like you are an AFC. This is okay, because you can become better than an AFC. Start first by reading the information in the sidebar, especially the stuff about giving value.
If you don't like something about yourself, change it. Only you can make you happy, no one else can do it for you, realize this and put it in action and I guarantee you see improvements.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
what's AFC? This thread is probably the best I've read all night personally
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Average Frustrated Chump. Check the glossary on the sidebar for more terms. :)
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]thewtfzone 8 points9 points10 points 13 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
This stuff applies to more then just picking up girls. The first thing you should realize is that this community is about two things: self-improvement and pick up. I take more out of the self-improvement part of this community then the pick up, but that doesn't mean I don't want to get laid.
I've been a beta my whole life, get into a conversation and constantly seek validation from the other person by saying "I do this or I've done that". The biggest thing I've learned is to STOP THIS, stop seeking validation from people, and most importantly stop taking value from people.
Have you ever been around someone who made you feel amazing? Like the most important person ever because of the way they ask YOU questions, and they focus on YOU, and YOU have a great time because you're sitting there talking about yourself the entire time? Be that person instead, give value, don't take it. You will notice that you become a more attractive person to everyone when you make people feel good by providing value instead of taking it.
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]thewtfzone 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea pretty much, people love to talk about themselves, and if you make people feel awesome by becoming truly interested (or even at least appearing that way) in their life they will love you for it.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This works, but, if you're aiming for a connection, you also need to respond about how you relate to their experiences, passions, interests, etc.
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What owndyou is talking about, is trying to find a connection with the person who you are talking to, that you can relate to and expand on.
You want people to talk about themselves, while looking for these indicators.
You know what things you enjoy. If someone talks about a book, movie or artist, relate your life experience to their own. "We like the same author/director/music? No way!" That's the type of connection you want.
[–]bostonvaulter -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I do this or I've done that"
Can you explain what you replace these with. Do you just not talk about things that you've done?
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[–]bcktth 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]optional_orange 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lead ModeratorThrowawayPUA 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thewtfzone 4 points5 points6 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]thewtfzone 8 points9 points10 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]thewtfzone 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bostonvaulter -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link