This is a continuation of my Confidence for Beginners post. It is a step by step guide that I wish I had received a long time ago when I was a struggling beta with zero self esteem.

Commitment to Change

First, it is very important that you are open to making changes in your life. If you feel that it isn't possible, then it won't happen (remember, embrace positive thinking). But if you truly embrace changing your life for the better, then anything is possible. Nobody is going to make these changes for you. It is up to you to make them happen. It is up to you to start living your life to the fullest. It starts with you.

Make the Leap

You'll hear the advice "just go out and talk to girls" thrown around a lot. And although I couldn't agree more with that statement, had this advice been given to me 13 years ago, it would have stopped me in my tracks. For someone with extreme approach anxiety like I had, the thought of making such a giant leap from shy, introverted me to a guy that can just go up and talk to a girl was inconceivable to me. So how do you bridge the gap?

Little by little, by creating small successes that you build on over time. How? Start small. Start by just opening a stranger with a simple question. Ask somebody in class what time it is, or ask a stranger walking where Madison Street is. You have to break through that barrier that you have put around yourself that keeps you from interacting with people. It is the first step to conquering approach anxiety and asocial behavior. You do this by chipping away at it little by little.

So go out and do it! Remember, you are the one who made the commitment to change. You are the one who needs to face your fears and self doubts so you can overcome them. You are the one who is removing your negative thinking and is creating the best version of yourself. You need to take the first step.

Create Positive Momentum

The goal is to become comfortable talking to people. Study the interaction. How did it go? Were you nervous? Why? How did they react? Learn from what happened and build on it. Next time, ask a question, then ask a follow up question. Build your confidence one experience at a time. I bet the next time you open somebody, you won't be as nervous as the first. You have experience under your belt now. Each time you open somebody your nervousness will be cut in half, until eventually it is not there at all.

Build upon your success the same way your positive thinking has led to more positive thinking and positive actions. Continue approaching more people (doesn't have to be hot girls, right now just approach anyone). Ask more questions. Extend the conversation longer. Create positive momentum for yourself. The more momentum you create, the more success you will have.

Comments on how your first interaction went are welcome. Your success will only encourage more people to try.