Warning: Meeting someone for a 'casual encounter' usually results in an f close because we have the same goal. There is not much need for seduction, only to make us feel comfortable with each other. Some level of attraction is needed so we can actually get in the mood though!

About Me I am genderqueer/androgynous with a female body. I have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder when I was much younger, but this is much better now and at this moment, would not consider myself having the disorder, just the 'healthy' kind of anxiety we all get. At times, I couldn't go grocery shopping for fear of someone talking to me, let alone worrying about AA. I have gone to clubs with friends, and mostly all I got was a friendly acknowledgement as part of a set. If people were to talk to me, it's an interview. I answer their questions and hope they go away. I also don't want a relationship because I've never felt the attraction to have one. Because of all this, I lost my virginity at 27. I am 27 now.

Yeah, it's easy for a girl to get laid if she's hot and 'normal'. But same for a guy! Except he may have status instead of looks. But not every girl is hot. Another way you will get laid: be the only option. Your gender won't matter if there is no one else to pick from. On sites like craigslist, it's full of guys and not many girls. But don't think that guys will fuck anything that will open their legs. Some guys do though, but so do some girls! How many guys on here say things like "I wouldn't go lower than HB7!!'. Well not all girls are HB7+. I've been told things like 'sorry, I don't think I could enjoy myself with you, you look too much like a guy and I would feel gay'.

So, I'm trying the 'Mathew effect'. I will get some success online and see if I will feel more confident offline. Although the online thing is working quite well, so I'm not really sure I even need to progress. But this was the original plan.

The Field report

So, I found an ad from somebody who was looking for a threesome. He mentioned that he was east Asian, so yellow fever got me curious. I mailed him, exchanged pics and talked a bit. He seemed interesting enough for a regular hookup, so we swapped numbers and arranged to meet up at a bar about a week later.

We met up at a bar where there was a comfy couch to sit on. We talked over a couple of drinks about the standard stuff. I look out for guys with common interests because to me, having a decent effortless conversation is important. Nothing worse than sitting there trying to think of things to say and then worrying about how it's going. 'Omg, did I say something stupid, what's he thinking', etc. If I'm talking about something I'm interested in, I'm feeling pretty good and not too concerned about what the other person is thinking, to a degree. But the interest should be mutual, because it's no fun talking about something I find awesome and the other person is falling asleep. And same, if they're talking about something boring to me, I just can't wait to get out of there. So I check for common interests during the emailing stage.

But it's not that important to have a common interest if you are one of those people who are interested in people in general. So if they're talking about something that does not interest you, it's not interesting because it's their take on it. But not everyone is like this, but this is what I tend to notice from people who have 'good social skills', is that they seem genuinely interested in what you have to say. I don't believe in faking interest though (if you are actually good at it, I don't think it's easy to fake), it's just like fake orgasms, setting myself up for more and more boredom and disappointment. But of course, everyone's different and we all have different goals.

After a bit of this, I move the conversation to a sexual topic. This is where I differ from most people. I am very direct, I do not like things such as plausible deniability. I was never very good at non verbal body language, but I'm getting better with time. I start of by asking if they have had any success meeting for casual encounters before, and the conversation naturally follows from there. It is also a good way to learn about the other person's safe sex practises. The best way to get honest information is to appear non judgmental. For example, if I were to put an ad up online with a preferred age range, I make the age range larger than what I prefer. Why? People lie to get in your pants, but the larger age range gets people to be more honest, but I discount those I'm not interested in. But with safe sex, it's more critical they will be safe with me and I have to trust that they won't suddenly stick it in sans condom without me being able to do anything about it. Especially a problem if your partner looks stronger, but even if not, untrustworthy actions make the whole thing go to shit. Do be careful with consent and all that.

Back to the story. The conversation turned to picking up at clubs.** He complained he couldn't pick up easy, because he probably appeared 'too nice' and as soon as he does something sexual, it's rejected. I jumped on this. If you want to be nice, wanting sexual activity from someone, but pretending you don't and expecting that behaviour to get you laid is not nice. **It may be considered respectful if after being rejected, you leave him/her alone. But I'm sure sedditors are familiar with this.

And it was true. At the start, he was having a friendly chat. If he escalated with something stupid, such as the sly arm behind the couch and 'oops, I just pulled you into me' instead of me making the conversation more sexual, it would have felt strange. It's just a body reaction to 'strangers' in my personal space.

But I explained how to kino escalate, by mentioning that being friendly is important, it makes us feel safe and it builds rapport. My goal is an f-close. Not a fuck close, but a fun close. That's when I leave feeling great, I had an awesome time and looking forward to another. I don't want to leave feeling like I was taken advantage of, or I was used, or that I did those to my partner. Unintentional touching can help gauge how the rapport building is going. And if I touch someone, I see how comfy I feel about it. Then making it an intentional touch. You all know how to kino, so no point explaining it further.

For example, at work, a colleague did the playful tap to the arm when laughing at her joke, and she twitched uncomfortably at it. It was very subtle, but I saw because I was watching them as I was in the conversation, but not talking and not being talked to directly. People with neurotypical social skills subconsciously sense this stuff. I myself need to watch out for it. The key is to look for incongruences with that they're saying and their body language/tone. An obvious example. Somebody saying 'it's fine' but with the forceful tone that indicates anger. They're usually lying, it's not fine. But I have to be careful myself. I can often pick up these incongruences, but I don't know the reason for it. The anger tone may be because they're lying about the 'it's fine' or suddenly they thought of something which makes them angry, they felt anger for a few seconds, and it was expressed in their voice.

So I demonstrate on him examples of kino. I try to accidentally bump him, and joke about how I'm a terrible actor, make sure you don't make it look as obvious as I just did. I show him the playful bumping and point out this one's important. If she doesn't like this, she won't like your cock in her pussy (ofcouse, there are always exceptions to the rules!). I show him palm reading. While I'm doing this, I'm watching his reaction. Didn't see any subtle twitches of discomfort or trying to get out of my personal space. He is smiling, laughing and moving in closer and goes in for that sly arm around the couch move. We hit the nail on the head by talking about public displays of affection. 'Be careful where you touch in public' so his reaction was to touch around the tits, but not actually grabbing them. This was actually very arousing and I made a comment like 'omg I could go for it right now on this couch, but that would be probably way too much PDoA'.

It is important to note that I myself was feeling great here, and was not feeling personal space violations. It's not smooth sailing, at the very start, I did when I got too close. But that's what 'try again later' is about. It's not a rejection is a 'I don't know you well enough, I need to get to know you a bit more first'. You have to know the difference between disinterest and 'not comfy with you just yet'.

We actually only intended to meet up at the bar, and if that went well, meet up for the actual encounter at his place the next day, as it was only free during the day and we met in the evening. But we drove back to my work and went for the f-close there. It was awesome, except the place we were at was uncomfy, but I went back to his the next day for seconds. I don't know exactly how, but he managed really good g-spot stimulation. The only complaint is that he's a 'once I cum, we're done, too tired' type of guy. This type of thing would only bother me if he was my only partner. But I wouldn't like him to keep going if he was too tired and not having fun anyway, so I'm not sure if it's a good idea for you to keep going when you don't feel like it.

edit 1: about me