Seddit I just got my first kiss and I was awful, I'm embarrassed. please help me out with some techniques.

steve1248 · 2013-03-31T09:33:48+00:00

breathe through your nose
control her with you hands
stay soft. Kissing isn't an exercise in mushing your faces together
when using your tongue relax your lips and tongue
don't dart your tongue around or extend it too much
have fun with it

schwann · 2013-03-31T09:20:19+00:00

Go with the flow. Stop thinking about it so much.

lalalalalalala71 · 2013-03-31T14:22:40+00:00

I was doing all the right things with my hands, one on her waist pulling her in tightly and the other on her neck.

When you're making out, you'll inevitably feel some urges. (Not just to put your dick inside of her.) Follow them... to some extent. Don't be sudden, be smooth. If your hands stay still for too long, I think this conveys you're not at ease. So, remember that when a girl is kissing you, she's sort of giving you permission to let your hands go free over her body (to some extent). Even if she doesn't caress you but just holds you, do caress her. Move back and forth from more "chaste" parts (like the "standard" position you mentioned) to more risqué ones - like gently but firmly pulling the hair on the back of her neck. From there you can move over to just caress her hair, her neck, her face. Then your hand can go down again down her back - maybe with one of your fingers gently pressing down on her spine, which might give her chills if done correctly. Pulling her close to you with your hand under her shirt, placed on her lower back, adds itself to this whole list of signals you're giving her while you kiss her, that you want to fuck her. Sliding your hand down her ass and eventually (not suddenly, remember) grabbing it is another such signal.

What did her pushing towards me mean like that mean, what am I supposed to do?

In my humble opinion, it means she's not a great kisser either. I don't like women who seem too eager while kissing. But you can turn this in your favour: you can verbally tease her for being too eager, while at the same time physically demonstrating - with the kind of risqué contact I mentioned - that you are actually up for sex with her. Tell her to relax and enjoy the moment (which is good advice for you, too), while at the same time stoking her horniness.

Edit: when I wrote about "urges", I was thinking not only about what to do with your hand and your mouth while kissing (this is rather simple: smooth, not sudden; relaxed, not eager), but also with your mouth on her neck. Don't just kiss it (with your lips only, no tongue there - some girls might enjoy being licked, but I don't think most would) - bite it. Gently. More toward the back than the front. Nibble it up and down a bit. Not too much, you'll want to go back to french-kissing her. Just enough to show them you're present and making decisions with regards to the make-out: "I'm interrupting this kiss to bite your neck, because I know it'll make you hornier." You can bite her as far down as her shoulder (although it might not be as effective; only do this if she reacts positively to the neck-biting) or as far up as her earlobe (be very careful, as this is a sensitive area. Here it is even more important for you not to drool over her - swallow your spit before you bite!!).

Oh, and this post should totally have gone to /r/askseddit .

recyclablebantha · 2013-03-31T17:01:58+00:00

Can someone please explain how do everything with my lips/mouth? ......What did her pushing towards me mean like that mean, what am I supposed to do? >Can someone please explain how do everything with my lips/mouth?

I was doing all the right things with my hands, one on her waist pulling her in tightly and the other on her neck. It made me feel bad about the whole date. I had no idea what to say after.

There is no flowchart of steps to follow for this. What's more, YOU were the one kissing her. Asking us to evaluate kisses that you experienced, when it's clear that you didn't understand the experience..... You're not only barking up the wrong tree, but you're asking the wrong questions.

Let's talk paradigm shift here. A change in philosophy. The idea is not that there is some "right" way to go about kissing someone. Everyone is different, everyone has different things they like. And the nice thing is, most people will SHOW you what they like. The ironic thing about spending time inside your head wondering what the "right thing" to do is, if you're inside your own head, you're not LISTENING to her and you will miss it when she gives you the very information that you're agonizing over. What's worse, it's fairly likely that she'll be aware that you feel awkward and that will make her awkward and pull her out of the moment, too.

Also, dispense with this idea that you were doing "all the right things with your hands". After you finish reading my post, you should understand why I say that you were most likely NOT doing the right things.

In any case, with all this in mind, here are some concepts you could keep in mind.

You have your own preferences. You should know them so you know how to find enjoyment in this kind of experience. You may not know what they are but with experience you'll discover them. (You may know more than you realize on this subject, actually: think about what kissing scenes in movies or on TV, appeal to you and really think about what things appeal to you. The energy, the way they are kissing, etc.) Don't forget about your own preferences but for the moment let's put them aside because......
.....she has her own preferences too, and they're probably going to be different in some way from any other woman you kiss.
She'll show you her preferences..... in the very way she is trying to kiss you. One way to response is to mirror what is being done to you. Another way might be to willingly tease her with what she likes...... do it far lighter than she did it or do it and then take it back...... it's a game.
There is no specific list of steps or a formula for you to follow, but there is a safe or preferable way to start off...... slowly and lightly. Tease her: lightly touch her lips with yours and then pull back, etc. Play!
If you start off this way and light & slow happens to be her preference, then great, there's no need to escalate in intensity: you're at the finish line. If she wants more intensity in her kissing or more of anything, then the slow, light kissing/teasing ramp up the suspense and probably incite her to do something to you that she wants you to do to her. As she is showing your her preferences, you can turn the volume up or down or make other adjustments, to accommodate.
Whatever your own preferences are, feel free to sneak them in every now and again, according to whether they fit the flow.
Above all, remember that this is NOT a destination, it's a journey and it's all about how you go about it. Just because you find something that gets a good response.... file it away and come back to it later, don't keep doing it until you kill it.

.....often times she would start shaking and breathing heavy and was very turned on(despite my awful kissing). I avoided kissing. I tried to kiss her neck but then I realized I have no idea how I'm supposed to do this.

A quick word on this: Kissing her anywhere on her body, mouth, or otherwise, should have a playful, exploratory attitude. You really have no idea how to proceed as you go, unless you're psychic. It's nice to just screw around..... kissing and licking in turns. (Again, starting off lightly & slowly in a new area is usually not a bad idea.)

Then as you probe around, you'll find that when you hit some good areas on her body in a way that she likes, she'll let you know...... if you're listening.

What am I supposed to say at my awful make out skills? Was I incorrect to not acknowledge it?

Think this through. If someone is doing something awkwardly, does it make things more awkward or less awkward if that someone says something to draw more attention to it? If you do something awkward, fucking own it, learn from it, and move on. You don't NEED to ask for validation or confirmation that you did something awkward..... that only draws people BACK into re-living the awkwardness with you and keeps them from forgetting it or moving on.

Last word here: This whole thing is theoretically a two way exchange...... cut yourself some slack. I'm run into some girls who were preoccupied with doing things "the right way" and they managed to ignore what I wanted and liked because they wouldn't come out of their own damn heads.

I mention this because sometimes the reason why things go wrong is because THEY are over-thinking things or ignoring one half of the interaction/conversation.

TommyTheTiger · 2013-03-31T09:31:58+00:00

She clearly wants to practice some more with you, so maybe seddit is not the best place to learn this :)

I would try to temper your eagerness to please with having fun and basking in the glory every once in a while. Yeah, so you might need some kissing lessons - it's not a deal breaker and it sounds like she might even think it's cute! You have no reason to feel bad or embarassed - you're cool despite your perceived 'flaws'.

PS. No shame with asking her how she likes things. I like to do it after sex though because it sort of ruins the moment during. Maybe start by saying things that you liked about her.

FredrickWilson387 · 2013-03-31T12:54:45+00:00

Practice makes perfect.

choc_is_back · 2013-03-31T16:16:13+00:00

Watch this. That's how you do it.

naughtymofucka · 2013-03-31T17:05:29+00:00

step 1 - extend tongue fully into her mouth

step 2 - gyrate

2013-03-31T15:00:03+00:00

Don't make it a big deal, play it off as a good excuse for some more practice.

zagazaga · 2013-03-31T17:55:19+00:00

Search "how to kiss" on YouTube if you want to see it done

ParkerPreston · 2013-03-31T23:05:06+00:00

Ask your best friend to practice with you.

ReadDinger · 2013-04-02T17:54:49+00:00

Get a peach and eat it in the most mockingly sexual and passionate way possible. Now kiss a girl like you ate the peach, minus the biting part. That's how I learned back in my high school days and I think it worked like a charm. All girls kiss differently though and some are easier to follow than others from my experience.

Title	Seddit I just got my first kiss and I was awful, I'm embarrassed. please help me out with some techniques.
Author	eskemea
Upvotes	21
Comments	16
Date	March 31, 2013 9:01 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1bcng0/seddit_i_just_got_my_first_kiss_and_i_was_awful/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seddit-i-just-got-my-first-kiss-and-i-was-awful-im.1349816 https://theredarchive.com/post/1349816

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