This might get kind of long, because I want to provide some background.

Original question http://www.reddit.com/r/askseddit/comments/1gzixt/two_inquiries_from_an_afc/

Follow up

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1h906c/fr_askseddit_follow_up/

I'm 30. I have had several great relationships with some really amazing women. They were more frequent the younger I was, and importantly, I always met these women through prolonged social interactions. These women became attracted to me because they saw me day after day, and week after week; and, their attraction was showing to the point where I was able to feel confident to move forward.

I want to tell a short story: My best friend's not-so-hot but super-chill friend from HS was periodically "around" though she lived hundreds of miles away.. she would ocme out for camping trips, festivals, big parties etc.. so I kinda knew her over the course of a few years, and she always had a BF. I was never into her or thought of her as a potential.

One day I get an email from her, she had stolen it from my buddy's left-open gmail, and apologized to me for being so forward with me (apparently she was felating the sucker she was sucking on in a sexual way), while I was actually 100% oblivious to it ever happening.

Now, the follow up. HB has been a friend of mine for a long time, when I met her, she had a boyfriend, and I knew them as a couple.. they were very close friends of mine. They dated about 6 years, and I knew them for the second half of that. They had a bad breakup, and I remained friends with both of them, but always seperately.

HB and I hung out, sometimes just the two of us, but mostly in groups.. hundreds of times over almost a decade.

Now if you read the previous posts you will see that there is a little bit of history.. in terms of us acknowledging some sexual tension, but there were never any clear IOI's from either of us.

Now, when I went to visit her.. she had me stay on the airmattress.. we went and hung out with her current boy toy, etc. I didn't really do anything other than act like 'my best self'.. I was just me.. confident me.. but nothing out of the ordinary.

After the bar we were watching a movie on her bed (only place to sit), and I did seemingly middle-school level stuff like scooting closer and 'accidently' touching her.

This is where it gets important, and is the key thing to take away.

She was clearly reciprocating, if not very subtly. Not moving her hand away, maybe doing her own acciental touching. I think you can be a lot more forward here if a random girl has you on her bed, fwiw.. but I am way more concerned about being 'too forward' with a long time friend of mine than a girl I am just primarily trying to date.

So, when I finally get more bold and start touching her in ways that are clearly not accidental.. she is less reciprocative. She doesn't' say no.. she just sort of lets it happen.

We snuggle closer and closer and she reciprocates a little bit.. after a while I try and hint at a kiss.. and she hints away. That a couple times.. then finally she "lets me" kiss her. From there it was pretty low friction to really hot sex for a few days.

We were talking, and she was telling me these stories that are very, very surprising to me. Like, when her and her ex used to come to my house she had a huge crush on me.. to the point where she was sometimes avoiding coming over with him because it felt too akward for her.

She also told me she "knew" we were going to hookup the minute I walked in the door.. but that it was not her intent when she invited me.. though it had crossed her mind.

What does this have to do with 'respecting women's boundaries?'. Well, something I have struggled with with respect to women, and dating.. is really not wanting to make them uncomfortable. This does not just apply to women and dating.. I try and live a life of non violence.. or at least deep respect for all people.

I finally have to accept that strong IOIs.. at least to my, I guess sorta noob eyes, are not always going to happen. In the same way I will hesitate to approach a woman, or try and kiss her, or put my hand on her leg.. an interested woman will also freeze up. Maybe she is concerned whatever her conscious way of showing you she is interested will be too obvious and you won't respond, so she will be extra subtle.. or whatever.

In the end, you cannot assume that because a girl has not been forward with her interest that she is uninterested, even more, if she has not given you specific reasons to think she is not interested (clear refusal, intense body language, disrespect) she is probably open and even hopeful that you will be what she wants.

Like me, you are also probably missing what are from her perspective, clear IOI's. Like me, you are probably around women who "know" they are going to fuck you, long before you do.. and even while you are 'picking them up' you are being picked up.

All of that being said, I am 99% sure if I had NOT been forward with HB.. especially if I had just been neutral 'we are friends' and been like "okay time for me to go to sleep on the air mattress" then we would NOT have had a super sexy weekend. She would probably have assumed that I was not interested, and we would still have had a fun time and she probably would have gone home with that dude she was seeing at some point.

I think this will apply especially to dudes who are confused why they aren't doing better with women. If you are decently dressed, reasonably confident, have a decent socio-economic story.. and you aren't getting laid nearly enough.. I bet that you have left a ton of pussy "on the table" without realizing it.