I just started a graduate program in education, and am currently taking an ed psych course. I've also been spending a lot of free time reading up on seduction and I've been surprised how much overlap I've seen between the two. One thing that stands out in particular is the idea of entity and incremental theory.

Basically, these theories have to do with how you understand your personality and skills. If you hold the entity theory, you believe things like intelligence, skills, and personality traits are something you are born with and that generally do not change. If you believe in incremental theory, you see the potential to improve in everything you do.

So what does this mean? Why is this important either in the fields of education or in seduction? What it comes down to is what effect these beliefs have in your actions, especially your attitude toward failure. For people who hold entity theory, it is all about protecting the ego by avoiding failure. If you think your abilities are an inborn trait, you want to prove that you have those abilities by feeling success and getting validation from others. Obviously, if you have a low opinion of yourself in a particular area, entity theory will keep you from trying for fear of failure. But even if you have a high opinion of your skill and think you're a "natural" at something, maintaining that belief holds you back because you are unlikely to try something you think you will fail.

For people who hold incremental theory, however, every time you use your skill is an opportunity to improve and achieve. You can learn just as much, if not more, from failure as you can from success. People of this mindset seek new challenges because they are not worried that failure indicates anything about their identity or future potential. It's not "Can I do that?" but "Can I do that today?"

This all might seem obvious, or it might seem to parrot a lot of more generic advice given about approach anxiety ("Just go for it man!" "What's the worst that can happen?") but the major distinction here is that this addresses not only the symptom of risk aversion but the root cause in a belief that any positive trait, be it confidence, athleticism, charisma, or intelligence, is inborn instead of developed.

What this does not mean is that everyone is equal. Of course there are different default levels of these traits encoded in our genetics and induced by whatever is in your past. But what this does mean is that your potential is undefined and that effort and application can and will pay off. And it means that you need to stop worrying about protecting your ego and get out there and take chances.