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I am the third type of guy they talk about..how can I overcome?

handsaresweaty92

October 3, 2013

10 upvotes

/r/seduction

http://www.succeedsocially.com/shyguys

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Title	I am the third type of guy they talk about..how can I overcome?
Author	handsaresweaty92
Upvotes	10
Comments	3
Date	October 3, 2013 6:43 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1no66e/i_am_the_third_type_of_guy_they_talk_abouthow_can/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-am-the-third-type-of-guy-they-talk-abouthow-can.1359294 https://theredarchive.com/post/1359294

Comments

[–]entboarder 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]handsaresweaty92[S] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]biffyboy 5 points6 points7 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I have a buddy who is hardcore into PUA and can take almost any chick home but can't get into a relationship. I don't know your situation specifically so I'll speak to his as maybe it will relate.

He focuses so much on what to say and what to do - he has an answer for everything. The problem is it's all on the surface and he has no depth. All the lines, and situations he knows how to knock out of the park don't age well. You can only ask a girl if "it hurt when she fell" (as a shitty example) so many times before it becomes redundant.

So that's problem one - he's shallow - not as a person morally, but as a character he has no depth to his personality.

Problem two, is dependence. In his mind, his end goal is to be in an awesome relationship with a hot chick and have sex 15 times a day. This is a fine goal - however in his mind this is the primary goal that defines him. What this means is as soon as he has a modicum of success, his interest level sky rockets - he can taste succeeding in his goal. The problem with this, is that the females interest doesn't rise accordingly. This is for a few reasons - they are very protective of themselves (most females are burned hard at least once by the time they are 20~). The other reason, which is back to point one, is my buddy has no depth.

This creates a viscous cycle within the relationship. Buddy builds up this relationship as completing him and his goal - it is what he needs to have the utopia he's built up in his head. Woman is interested, but not nearly as much. Buddy craves reciprocation, pushes harder. Woman gets uncomfortable with leechy desperate behavior and starts pulling back. Buddy scared he is going to lose it all starts going all in - "I love you," "I'll support you / do anything no matter what" etc. This puts pressure on the woman to commit more, which she is not interested in doing, so she eventually musters up the will power to leave him.

The solution here is simple. While his goal of having a hot babe who he fucks 15 times a day for more than a week after he establishes a relationship is noble. The first step though, is that can't be his primary goal for himself, he needs to have other goals which are independent of external validation - he needs to focus on himself and being a better person. This is it. It will solve his problems in a heart beat. It accomplishes 2 things - by focusing on his other goals, he will naturally build depth to his character. A quote I heard on reddit a long time ago that I love - "To build character, climb a mountain and tell no one". The second is that if/when his interest level is higher than a female that he is courting, he has his own identity to fall back on instead of going all in.

I don't know if my buddy's situation is the same as yours, but I'm the guy that everyone asks for advice so I've heard a lot of stories. Your situation seems to be more short term than my buddy, but the principals are still the same, just on an expedited time frame. I hope this helps.

One other thing is consider this situation. You are dating a girl that you're kind of interested in. You know she's nuts over you so you're willing to give it a shot because you think she's kinda cool and who knows what could happen. After a week she tells you how much her dad wants to meet you. Ok. Then she starts telling you how happy her family would be if you went to their place for christmas (which is 4 months away). Then she says she got you a birthday present (which is 2-3 months away). You've been dating 1-4 weeks... You like her, but she's over committed. Now you feel guilty for not feeling the same level of commitment. You want to keep dating, but at the same time the more time you spend together, the more trapped you are. You just want to hang out and have fun because you enjoy her personality and company, but you're not ready to be making long term choices . You don't want to hurt her, but the longer you're together the more you find yourself forced into thinking about things so far down the road, when right now you're content to just go with the status quo. This happened to me, and it was eye opening as to why guys can get routinely dumped from short term relationships.